Gosenkugi's Great Revenge
by Baron Hausenpheffer
Summary: Gosenkugi has always been kicked around by Ranma and company, but he's finally found a way to get back at them! It's revenge time, and he's going to pay them back a thousandfold... Read and review, purty please!
1. Plots N Plans

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2. (Boo hoo hoo!)

It was a dark and stormy night... The clock struck eleven, a time when most of Furinkan's residents were sound asleep. In a shoddy little apartment across town, however, Hikaru Gosenkugi was very much awake. The disgruntled student held in one hand a picture of his beloved Akane Tendo, and in the other a much-abused voodoo doll with a distinctive pigtail.

"That cursed Ranma Saotome!" Gosenkugi growled. "Not only does he continually make my life a living hell, but he keeps Akane, who is too good for the likes of him, to himself!" With rage consuming him, he yelled, "Don't worry, my sweet Akane! I, Hikaru Gosenkugi, will free you from his evil clutches!" In a quieter tone he muttered, "I just wish I knew how..."

Suddenly, the silence was shattered by a shout of "**DELIVERY!**" outside the door. After his heartbeat slowed down to normal levels, Gosenkugi slowly stepped forward and opened the door. In front of him was a package marked "Special Delivery" and addressed "Port-au-Prince, Haiti."

"I can't believe that it's already here!" he rejoiced. "It's as if Heaven itself was responding to my plea! Soon, Saotome, I will have you and those other thugs who torment me right where I want you! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The boy's disturbed laughter rang out and echoed deep into the night...

-------------------------

"DING, DONG, DING, DONG..."

The school bell at Furinkan High School was chiming as its students were let out for lunch. Under the shadow of the bell tower, a pretty girl with bluish-black hair was pacing back and forth. Akane picked up and reread the letter she had found in her locker:

"Dear Akane,

Meet me in front of the school at lunch. It's urgent!

-Ranma"

(_Meanwhile, on the other side of the school_)

A puzzled pigtailed martial artist named Ranma Saotome walked toward his rendevous in the gardener's shack. "What is that stupid girl up to now?" he wondered as he walked along. He reached the shack and was about to open the door when he heard shouting on the other side...

"What are you two doing here?! Akane wanted to meet with me on a private matter. Get out!"

"Not on your life! Shampoo made arrangements to meet me HERE. Find your own meeting place!"

"You insolent louts! I know not why you wish to meddle in our affairs, but you shall not interfere with my double-date with the pigtailed girl and the sweet Akane Tendo. Begone!"

Ranma opened the door abruptly, cutting off the quarrel inside. The voices belonged to his three greatest rivals: Ryoga Hibiki, Mousse, and Tatewaki Kuno. They were **not** happy to see him!

"What do **_you_** want, Ranma?" Mousse sneered.

"I got a letter that said to come here at lunch, the same as you guys." He sarcastically added, "Don't you think that it's kind of strange that we're ALL meeting somebody right here, right now?"

The other three darkened as they realized that they'd been had.

"It isn't much fun to be made a fool of, is it?" a voice from behind them asked. They all jumped with suprise and turned around to see Hikaru Gosenkugi emerge from the shadows.

"Why you!" Ryoga shouted. "How dare you make a fool out of me?!"

"I shall make you rue this day!" Kuno threatened.

"I don't think so. Your days of tormenting me are over," Gosenkugi solemly replied. "Saotome, you and your friends--"

"**THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS!!!**"

A sweatdrop rolled down Gosenkugi's head. "You and your _associates_ have made my life a pit of misery. **Here's where I return the favor!!!**" He reached into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a smoke bomb. With a yell, he hurled it at them and hightailed it toward the door!

"What the--?!"

**_BOOM!_**

Ranma was cut off by the explosion that rocked the little building and sent dust flying everywhere! Outside, Gosenkugi was busy ranting and raving to himself:

"GYHEHEHEHEHE! Now I have that Don Juan-abee right where I want him! If they ever want to live a normal life again, Ranma and those other guys will have to obey my every whim!!! I just have to take a peek!"

With a maniacal grin on his face, Gosenkugi slid the door open and peered inside. Looking back at him were 4 pissed-off martial artists, dusty, but otherwise unchanged. Gosenkugi's triumphant smile quickly turned to a look of fearful bewilderment.

"B-but this doesn't make sense!" he feebly protested. "You should all be..."; words failed him.

Ryoga spoke in a strained voice, "Your name is Gosenkugi, right? (_Gosenkugi gave a weak nod_) And you sent us these letters in a plot to attack us with that cherry bomb? (_He gave a weaker nod_) Good. I just wanted to be clear on all points. Now I want _you_ to understand something!" Anger rose in Ryoga's voice as his restraint gave way. "If you think you can humiliate us and get away with it, then you are **SADLY** mistaken!!!"

Ranma, Ryoga, Kuno, and Mousse took a menacing step toward Gosenkugi.

"Fellas, please, you don't understand!" he pleaded.

Ranma glared and cracked his knuckles. "Oh, we understand, all right."

**_POW!!!_**

"GYAAAAAAAAAH!" Hurled skyward by four powerful punches, Gosenkugi quickly passed out of sight; only a human-shaped hole in the shed's ceiling remained.

-----------------------

As the sun set, the shadows of everyday objects and buildings at Furinkan High School became enlongated, distorted, and bizzare. In this surreal twilight landscape, no figure looked more melancholy than Hikaru Gosenkugi. He had regained consciousness 10 minutes ago inside a sizable crater by the gym, and he had a knot on his head the size of a volleyball. This painful lump, howver, wasn't bothering him nearly as badly as the question that kept vexing him as he walked along.

"Why didn't it work?! I followed the instructions exactly... the instructions...!" In a sudden flutter of inspiration, he tore open his backpack, snatched out a small piece of paper, and started reading it like a man possessed. He finally found what he had been looking for on the 14th line of the fine print:

"WARNING- Curse may take up to 8 hours to take effect. Condition is permanent after first sunrise seen by the victim once curse is enacted."

Gosenkugi chuckled quietly.

"My plan may still work after all..."

END OF CHAPTER 1

----------------------------------------

Hey, there! What you are reading is actually my first fanfic, even if it isn't my first _posted_ one. I started writing it around Halloween 2003, and have worked on it off and on since then. One of my New Year's resolutions last year was to get this sucker published, and I'll be darned if I don't do just that!

(_Even if it **is **the night of December 31..._)

I've been pretty busy lately, but I'll try to update soon. Please review, and have a happy New Year!


	2. The New Curse

"Master Kuno, are you sure you feel well? You look awfully pale."

Kuno turned to face his loyal ninja and replied, "Sasuke, I appreciate your concern, but you worry over nothing. It takes more than a mere 'cold bug' to fell the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Besides, I must think of my female classmates; they would be inconsolable if they were denied the school's greatest fighter, poet, and lover for too long! Hahaha!"

"_Sigh... When he's like this, you'd have better results talking to a brick..._" Sasuke thought. Although he believed his master should rest, Sasuke knew it was pointless to try to reason with him. The ninja silently became one with the room's shadows, and Kuno ventured into his immense outdoor courtyard. The swordsman stood silent, contemplating the stars. He kept up this feat of concentration for a good two seconds before other pressing thoughts occupied his mind.

"_Why doesn't Jello freeze? Does Santa Claus have to obey traffic laws? Isn't it a coincidence that the pigtailed girl and Ranma Saotome have the same name, taste in clothes, fighting skills, ect.?_"

--------------------

"You sure you is going to be okay, Mousse?" the Amazon asked from the door.

"I'm fine. Enjoy your trip, Shampoo."

She smiled and departed with her great-grandmother, but she was still a bit uneasy about leaving her usually unwanted suitor.

Cologne saw this and said, "Don't worry child. Mousse will do a fine job watching the Cat Cafe during our little vacation. He's nearly as strong as Son-in-law; a little cold won't get him down."

This cheered Shampoo somewhat, but didn't dispel her worry entirely.

"Still," she muttered, "his skin look so green..."

---------------------

Meanwhile, it was chow-time at the Tendo Dojo. In addition to the Tendos and Saotomes, Ryoga was eating at the table as well (after searching for his house for hours, he was dead-tired and gratefully accepted Kasumi's offer to follow her home for dinner). As usual, eating here was something of a contact sport.

"Pass the pickles!"

"Tea, please!"

"Hey! Hands off my plate, old man!"

"Hand me the soup, Daddy."

(It never failed to amaze Ryoga how intense the meals got at this house.)

"Care for some sake, Ryoga?" Mr. Tendo asked. The question caused the bandannaed young man to snap back to reality.

"Er, no thanks," Ryoga declined.

Just then, Kasumi let out a little gasp. "Oh, my! I almost forgot the main course!"

She quickly hurried off to the kitchen, but her little outburst had stopped all conversation at the table. Finally, Akane broke the silence.

"Gee, Ranma... When's the last time you shaved?"

"Huh?" He put his hand to the side of his face, and his eyes widened slightly. His fiancee was right; he had a noticable "5 o'clock shadow".

"That's odd..." he mumbled. "I shaved just this morning."

Genma Saotome grinned slightly. "Don't worry, boy. It just shows what a manly man you're becoming. Your mother would be tickled pink!"

"Either that, or your body is compensating for your being a womanly woman the other half of the time!" Nabiki added.

Everyone got a good laugh out of that one, except the now red-faced Ranma.

"Why you...!" he growled, but before he could think of a decent comeback, Kasumi reentered the room with the main course in one hand and a second dish in the other.

"All right," she said, "who's hungry for pork chops?"

Everyone in the room gave a cheer except for the noticably uncomfortable Ryoga. Whether out of sympathy or out of fear of sharing the poor porker's fate, Ryoga hadn't been able to bring himself to eat pork since receiving his curse. Ranma noticed the pained expression on Ryoga's face and got an idea.

"_This is too easy to resist_," he thought with a chuckle.

"Whatsamatta, Ryoga? I thought you LOVED pork!" As Ranma collapsed in a fit of giggles, Ryoga jumped to his feet, eyes wide with hate.

"Ranma!" he roared, "This time you've gone to far!!!"

"But Ryoga," Akane broke in, "why wouldn't you eat pork, unless..."

She let out a gasp of realization, and Ryoga felt his heart sink to his big toe.

"Unless you were..."

"_Here it comes!_" he cringed.

"...Jewish! Or a Muslim, right?"

Ryoga and the Saotomes did one of the biggest faceplants of their careers. A feeling of understanding and guilt crossed Akane's face.

"And here we were trying to feed you pork, sake, and all kinds of non-kosher stuff, too!"

"Th-that's not it at all, Akane!" Ryoga tried to explain as he hopped up. "It's just that--well--um--er... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Giving up, he put one hand behind his head and flashed them all a toothy grin. A complete hush fell over the whole room, and Ryoga, puzzled, opened his eyes in an effort to discover the cause.

Ranma, with genuine concern in his voice, spoke first. "Geez, Ryoga... When's the last time you saw a dentist? That fang thing is really getting worse!"

Ryoga quickly shut his mouth and felt around with his tongue. Ranma was right! His canines were even longer than before, and now practically touched his bottom gum!

"_What will Akane think of this?!_" he thought as a blush spread across his face.

"I...uh...have to go. Excuse me," he muttered, and then quickly bounded off.

"Ryoga, wait!" Akane yelled after him, but it was no use; the lost boy had already left.

She turned to Ranma with anger burning in her eyes. "You insensitive jerk! You hurt his feelings! You could have at least broken it to him a little easier!"

Ranma retorted, "Aw, pipe down! I don't need someone as uncute as _you_ to lecture _me_ on manners!"

Akane gritted her teeth. "You shut up! I HATE YOU!!!"

**_SLAP!!!_**

Akane turned and stormed out of the room. Ranma, a red handprint on his face, dipped some food from a nearby bowl and started to furiously shovel it into his mouth.

"_That stupid tomboy!_" he thought to himself. "_Who cares about Ryoga, anyway?!_"

All of the sudden, his train of thought was interrupted by his tastebuds screaming in agony! Through the tears that were welling up in his eyes, he looked into Kasumi's concerned face.

"So, Ranma... I see that... you decided to try Akane's dish," she said with a gulp.

Ranma thought to himself, "_So that's what that other dish Kasumi carried in was..._" With that, everything went black.

--------------------

Meanwhile, Ryoga was wallowing in his sorrows on the Tendos' roof. His head on his knees, the directionless lad was weeping softly.

"Curse you, Ranma. How dare you make fun of my dental misfortune like that?! You'll pay..."

Ryoga could feel his heart breaking over the embarassment that that teenage Casanova had put him through in front of his would-be sweetheart.

"**OUCH!**"

Ryoga sat up with surprise. Something DID feel wrong with his heart! All of the sudden, a wave of intense pain shot through his entire body. Ryoga gasped for breath, half-expecting his heart to pop out of his chest!

------------------------

"Oh, man! This is rough, even for her!" Ranma moaned to himself.

His father and Mr. Tendo had dragged him to his room and given him a bottle of antacids, hoping that Ranma's cast-iron stomach would pull him through. It wasn't.

Ranma felt miserable, like his insides were being disintegrated by a mix of toxic waste and hydrochloric acid! (Knowing Akane's cooking skills, this was entirely possible!) He had never been so sick in his entire life... Suddenly, he felt a super-sized wave of nausea coming on. Wobbly, he stood up and looked around for the nearest trash can.

"Hoo, boy... I'm gonna throw up..." he thought to himself.

Before he could move another inch, he was seized by overwhelming pain. His skin felt as if it were on fire, his guts as if they were boiling, and his lungs as if they were about to burst! Succumbing to the pain, he doubled over and was about to pass out when something unexpected occurred: the pain had simply stopped! It had vanished just as suddenly as it had started, and (even stranger) he no longer felt sick, even from eating Akane's putrid cooking!

"_Geez, that was... weird, to say the least. I guess Akane's cooking ran it's course. Still, it really wore me out. I think I'll go to bed early..._"

Ranma drowsily made his way out of his room and across the hall to the bathroom.

"_I'd better brush my teeth now; I'm likely to sleep till next Tuesday after all of that!_"

He squirted some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and started brushing.

(**_brusha, brusha, brusha, bru--SSSPPRRRT!!!_**)

Ranma's skin went ghostly white as he stared at the mirror in horror! Through the spots of spewed water and toothpaste, a frightened-looking figure stared back at him. This figure had piercing yellow eyes, ears like a dog's on top of its head, fangs like Ryoga's old ones, and hair everywhere except on the face!

"**I--I--I--I'M A FREAKIN' WEREWOLF!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!**"

END OF CHAPTER 2

----------------------------

THE BARON: "Well, now we all know Gosenkugi's evil plan. The cat's out of the bag, as they say."

RANMA: "**WHAT**?! Where?! As if things weren't bad enough right now!!!"

THE BARON: "Calm down; there's no cat! That was a figure of speech, genius. Besides, it looks like you'd be more apt to chase cats than the other way around right now."

RANMA: "Speaking of that... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!!!!"

THE BARON: (_puts on sweet 'n innocent look_) "Whatever do you mean? What's wrong?"

RANMA: "Whaddya mean 'What's wrong?'?!!! As if being stalked by suitors and assassins and turning into a girl wasn't enough, you made me into a wolfman!"

THE BARON: "Aw, keep your shirt on! You always win, remember? Just sit back and enjoy the ride."

RANMA: "(_grumble, grumble_) You'd better be right about this. Otherwise, I'm going Lon Chaney, Jr. on you rear!"

THE BARON: "(_gulp!_) Right! Please keep reading, and drop me a review. Better do it quickly; Ranma's looking kind of feral here..."


	3. Unpronouncable Evil

_When we last left our gender-bending hero, he had been transformed into an unwilling werewolf!_

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

"NOOOOOOOOO! This can't be happening!"

He took a deep breath. "Okay, Ranma, think! What could have done this? Akane's cooking? No, even _she_ isn't stupid enough to put Rogaine in sukiyaki. The ghoul? Or the freak? No, not them, either. They're CAPABLE of something like this, but they wouldn't go this far just as a prank. Then who?"

Ranma closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, trying to remember if anything really out of the ordinary (for him) had happened that day.

"OH!" he gasped.

_"Your days of tormenting me are over!_"

"G-G-Gosenkugi!" Ranma growled, "I'm gonna get you for this! But... first I'd better see Dr. Tofu about a cure."

Ranma stealthily crept out of the bathroom window and into the Tendo's backyard.

"The fewer people that know about this, the better," he mumbled.

"Stop where you are, Saotome!"

"Urk! Who's there?" Ranma demanded.

The noise had come from above, and Ranma hopped onto the roof to investigate. What he saw shocked him into silence. In the moonlight, a somewhat changed Ryoga Hibiki glared at him with crimson eyes full of hate. Ryoga seemed unusually pale, and he was wearing a yellow cape with black polka-dots on it. What was most surprising, however, were his fangs: around 1 to 1.5 inches long, and sharp as daggers.

"Ryoga... is that you, man?" Ranma finally choked out.

"How dare you even ask, when you're obviously the one who did this to me?" Ryoga roared. "You were the one who got me cursed at Jusenkyo, but turning me into a pig wasn't enough for you, was it? No, you decided to double my misery by slipping some kind of 'potion of the undead' into my food at supper!"

The Lost Boy smirked slightly. "While it does me good to see that you apparently took some of your own medicine by mistake, that isn't good enough. **I'll see you suffer!**"

Ryoga suddenly levitated 15 feet up into the air, and it was plain to see that he had murder in his eyes.

"Whoah, hold on, you jerk!" Ranma yelled. "I didn't do nothin'! It's all Gosenkugi's fault, I tell ya'!"

Ryoga, however, was too enfuriated to listen to reason. "No more excuses! YAAAAAAGGGHHHH!"

Ryoga shot through the air like a bullet toward Ranma. The pigtailed werewolf braced himself and prepared his counterattack. Ryoga lashed out at Ranma the second he was within striking distance, but the younger Saotome sidestepped and landed a devastating punch to Ryoga's stomach. The bandanna-wearing vampire made a slight choking noise and collapsed in a heap.

"Wow... Did I hit him _that_ hard?" Ranma wondered. He looked down at his hand and gasped in horror when he saw that it was dripping with blood.

"Wha-what have I done? Hold on, Ryoga; I'm coming!" Ranma rushed toward his defeated rival, hoping he was not too late to save him.

"Please, please, please don't di-HUH?"

The should-be-dead Ryoga had hopped to his feet, catching Ranma off guard! With a smirk, he kicked the dumbfounded Ranma off the rooftop and into the fish pond below.

_**(BUBBLE, BUBBLE, BUBBLE... SPLASH!)**_

Out of the water arose a red-furred "she-wolf-type" Ranma, and she was not happy. "_What's with Ryoga?_" she thought angrily. "_I punched a freaking hole in his stomach, for crying out loud, and then he got up like it was nothing!_"

Ranma calmed down and noticed her own changed physique. "Hmmm... looks like my old curse is still in effect..." she muttered.

Ranma's train of thought was derailed when Ryoga hopped down to ground level.

"Heh, heh," Ryoga gloated, "it looks like the new curse you gave me could prove the end of you."

"You shut up!" Ranma exploded. "I already told you that this ain't my fault, but it looks like I'm gonna have to beat some sense into you before you'll listen!"

Both fighters assumed a fighting stance, but were startled by a distant rumbling noise.

"What's that?" Ryoga asked, puzzled.

Ranma put her head near the Tendos' wall and listened. Her ears twitched back and forth, and a nervous look came over her face. "I don't know," Ranma gulped, "but it's coming this way!"

All of the sudden the wall exploded, throwing Ranma several feet back!

"PIGTAILED GIRL!" shreiked the golem that stood where the wall used to be.

"**K-K-Kuno?**" Ranma gasped in disbelief.

"Oh, my dearest, I am too late!" Kuno said sadly, tears flowing from his eyes. "That vile sorcerer Ranma Saotome has enchanted you as well! Fear not, for I love thee as thou art, and we shall get through this... TOGETHER!"

With that, Kuno glomped onto Ranma (somehow, he didn't seem to notice her bones popping or her face turning blue).

"Get.. off... me... you... goon!" she gasped.

Ryoga sat down, enjoying the show and wishing he had popcorn. Ranma was about to pass out when she felt Kuno's grip disappear, allowing the world to come back into focus. The wolf-girl felt someone holding her hand, and she involuntarily jumped when she looked up. She saw right off that it was Mousse, but (like everyone else lately) he had changed significantly. He still had long, black hair and his old facial features, but he was covered from head to toe in green scales! Also, he had webbed feet and hands with claws on the end of them. However, the amorous look Mousse was giving her was creeping Ranma out much more than his new appearance...

Mousse smiled at Ranma lovingly and said, "I just saved you from the Frankenstein monster. I'd say that deserves a date, Shampoo!"

Suddenly, Ranma's foot was buried in Mousse's face.

"Mousse, put your glasses on!" she yelled. "I'm Ranma!"

"Ranma? You didn't have to kick me..." he muttered. "Well, this is just as well because you're the person I came here to see. We have to get an antidote from Gosenkugi!"

Relieved to find somebody who didn't think he was the culprit, Ranma smiled slightly. "Let's do that as a last resort. First, I want to see if Dr. Tofu can do anything about this."

"'Fraid not," a voice from behind Ranma said.

The red-haired lycanthrope turned to see the M.D. in question holding a kettle of hot water in his hand. He poured some on Ranma's head and explained, "Mousse has already been to see me."

He turned to Ryoga and said, "I can assure you that Ranma isn't the cause of your current problems. Will you join Ranma, Mousse, and I?"

While Ryoga only trusted Ranma as far as he could throw him, he had great respect for the kind Dr. Tofu and decided to take his word. Ryoga nodded solemnly, and the four were about to enter the dojo when a voice cried out after them.

"Wait!" Kuno gasped. He crawled out of the rubble of the wall where Mousse had thrown him and rushed toward them. "I am also very desirous to rid myself of this curse. Will you help me?"

Ranma's exasperated expression melted away as he got his first good look at the new Kuno in the light. He was still in his old Kendo uniform, but his muscles had bulged so that the sleeves had torn off, and the rest of the outfit was a very tight fit. His skin was a sickly light blue, he had a bolt sticking out of his neck, and he had a vacant look in his eyes (wait... that's not a change).

On the one hand he deserved it, but nonetheless... Ranma couldn't help feeling sorry for the poor shmuck.

"Okay..."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Once they were all inside the dojo, Dr. Tofu began to explain the situation. "Okay, guys, I know that you feel a bit panicked at the moment, but please hear me out. If I'm not mistaken, you four have fallen prey to the 'wicka-wacka-froo-hoo' spell!"

"The wicka-wacka-what?" Ranma blurted.

"Wicka-wacka-froo-hoo," repeated Dr. Tofu. "It's a voodoo curse that causes its victim to transform into whichever Western monster suits that person's body type and personality best."

"I don't suppose you know how to cure it?" Ryoga asked hopefully.

"Nope. Not a clue. Hahahaha!"

(_Cue four massive, monster-sized faceplants_)

Tofu became very serious again. "In all seriousness, boys, I'm afraid I can't help you. I'm an expert at Eastern medicine, not Western magic; having me tamper with it would really be playing with fire. In fact, I think the only person knowledgeable enough in the black arts to cure you is the one who caused this in the first place."

"Gosenkugi!" Ranma growled.

"Right," nodded Dr. Tofu.

"The trouble is finding him," said Mousse. "His address isn't listed in the phone book; I already checked."

Dr. Tofu's face darkened visibly. "This is bad. He needs to found quickly!"

"Huh? Why is that?" Ryoga asked nervously.

"Well," Tofu answered, "I hate to tell you this, but... after the first night, the curse's effects become permanent. If you haven't taken the antidote before the sun rises tomorrow, you can kiss your normal bodies goodbye!"

"What are we sitting around for, then?" Ranma yelled, wide-eyed. "Let's go find him **right now**!"

Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse bolted for the door, but Kuno's voice stopped them. "Hold! Before we embark upon this wild goose chase, I would like to run a quick errand."

"Now? Can't it wait?" Ryoga yelled impatiently.

Kuno shook his head. "I can assure you, this is of the utmost importance. A conniving fiend has invaded my home, and I should like to get it back and teach the fool a lesson!"

"Come again? How did this happen, anyway?" Mousse asked.

Kuno growled, "The scoundrel deceived me by masquerading as a pizza delivery boy. Before I knew it, he had put Sasuke into some sort of trance and locked me out of my own home! Had I not been so concerned about the welfare of Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl, I would have dispatched the cretin then and there. That voodoo doll necklace he wore should have made me realize that he was no mere delivery boy..."

Kuno looked up to see large sweatdrops on everyone's face. "What? What did I say?"

Before everyone could make up their minds as to whether they should hug or kill the sword-wielding golem, they heard a sound that made their hair stand on end. All eyes were on the door to the dojo; the handle slowly turned, and the door made a creaking sound as it swung open...

END OF CHAPTER 3  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

Hello again! I bet you all thought that this story was dead; luckily, it was just in a coma. Hahaha! Seriously, though, I'm terribly sorry that I took so long to update. College is mostly to blame, but laziness probably had something to do with it as well.

No worries, though! I am a changed man (_author thumps his chest_) who will no longer shirk his duty to finish what he starts. This story now has my full attention, and I won't start any new ones until it gets finished. Please review, and I'll do my best to meet your (hopefully) high expectations. Toodles!


	4. Someone's Knocking at the Door

_5 minutes earlier..._

"_Ranma, you jerk..._"

Akane Tendo had started many a thought with that phrase, but seldom had it crossed her mind with that much bitterness. The other heir to the Anything-Goes school sat alone at the desk in her room; she had requested to be left alone, and her family knew that denying these "requests" could be very dangerous to their health. Akane wasn't crying; she wasn't the type of girl who bawled at the drop of a hat. However, she couldn't shake this overwhelming feeling of frustration and bitterness.

"_I swear, he'll never change! Why does he feel the need to humiliate Ryoga at every chance he gets? I can't imagine what started the grudge between those two... It's more than that 'bread feud' Ranma mentioned, that's for sure. Ranma started it, no doubt. Ryoga is the type of guy who is always polite, honest, and kind; not exactly traits that I would use to describe my fiance._"

Her eyes narrowed as she remembered the incident at dinner. "_Ryoga is so sensitive... He looked like he'd been stabbed with a knife when Ranma made fun of him. Grr... Then, like always, he managed to turn the situation into an opportunity to insult me, too. I've gotten used to that, but still... it irritates me. Almost as much as the fuss he made after eating my cooking..._"

Akane took a deep breath and stood up. "_I've got to stop dwelling on this,_" she thought. "_Maybe a little walk will clear my head..._"

Akane quietly slipped out of her room, down the stairs, and out the front door. She was only a few feet away from the gate when she was surprised by the sound of knocking.

**_KNOCK, KNOCK!_**

"Hello! Is anyone home?" a woman's voice called.

Akane smiled slightly; she knew that voice. "Sure, Ukyo. Wait just a second, okay?"

She quickly unlocked the gate to let Ranma's "cute fiancee" inside. In all honesty, Akane wasn't entirely unhappy to see her. While it would be a serious stretch to say that the two girls were friends, Akane had to admit that she had a certain amount of respect for Ukyo. Unlike several other girls she could name, the okonomyaki chef was a fairly reasonable gal. She had never used homicide threats or mind-altering serums to try to win Ranma over, and the two shared a sense of being the "normal" fiancees.

"How's it going, Akane?" Ukyo asked. She was wearing blue jeans, a man's white business shirt, and was carrying a large take-out box in her hand.

"Oh, I'm doing fine," Akane answered, "but something tells me that you're not here to see me. What's in the box?"

"Ha! You're sharp! And here I thought that **I** was the businesswoman," Ukyo laughed. "Well, you have me there, Sugar. On behalf of Uchan's Okonomyaki, I come seeking a certain pigtailed hunk to taste-test a new recipe. Where is Ranma-honey, anyway?"

Akane blushed slightly from embarassment. "He, uh, ate something that didn't agree with him. He's a little sick right now, so this probably wouldn't be a good time to..."

"Nonsense!" Ukyo interrupted, obviously not to be deterred. "If Ranma has one rule to live by, it's 'there's always room for more'. Besides, eating some of this is bound to help his stomach get over your dinner."

Akane faceplanted, but immediately hopped back up. "H-how did you know that?"

Ukyo winked. "Call it an educated guess. So, are ya going to lead me to him or not?"

Akane's good will toward Ms. Kuonji had completely dried up; she was now running on strained hospitality. "Right this way..." she grumbled.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

However, the two girls discovered (to their great suprise) that Ranma was not in his room! They shared the thought, "_How could he have moved in that condition?_", but neither voiced this curiosity. They conducted a quick search of the house, but everyone's favorite gender-bender was nowhere to be found.

"Where on earth could he have run off to?" Akane finally yelled in frustration.

Ukyo looked aggravated as well. "I don't know, but..."

_**BOOM!**_

The house shook slightly from the nearby tremor. "What the heck was that? An earthquake?" Ukyo wondered aloud.

"I don't think so; it only lasted a second," Akane replied. "In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that it came from behind the house..."

Akane realized the significance of what she had just said at about the same time that Ukyo did. The two girls nodded at each other and took off running for the back yard. When they got there, they saw that their suspicions were correct: the back wall of the Tendo home was sporting a rather large, gaping hole.

"Dad's going to be ticked when he sees this," Akane sighed, her hand on her forehead. "Well, it looks like whoever did this has already left."

Akane turned to go back inside, when she felt someone holding her sleeve. "Hold on, Akane!" Ukyo whispered. "Look over there."

Akane followed her finger toward the dojo. "Do you normally leave the lights on in there at night?" Ukyo asked.

"No... no, we don't," Akane finally answered. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

The two girls stealthily crept toward the dojo door until they were standing directly outside. Grabbing the handle, Ukyo thought about simply swinging the door open and screaming "AHA!", but instead she decided to "play it cool".

_**Creeeeeeaaaak...**_

"Hey! Anybody home?" she asked quietly. As she nudged the door open, Ukyo heard a several male voices give a panicked scream. Shocked by the reaction, she was about to burst into the room when she had the door unceremoniously slammed in her face and held shut! Now thoroughly convinced that something was rotten in Denmark, Ukyo body-slammed the door open with a powerful force that took both Akane and the mysterious door-holder by surprise. Dashing inside, Ukyo saw four very familiar figures jumping out an open window. Her mouth went agape as she realized who those four were...

"Ukyo, what happened?" Akane gasped, rushing inside.

Ukyo seemed shell-shocked. "I... I just saw Ranma-honey, but... he wasn't... that is..."

"He was what? C'mon, spit it out!" Akane urged her.

Ukyo blinked and gulped loudly. "He didn't look like Ranma! I mean, that's who it was, but he was covered in hair, and Mousse and Kuno were the same way. Kuno turned blue, and Mousse was green! And..."

Akane was beginning to wonder if Ukyo had lost her mind. "... and what?" she finally asked.

Ukyo had the strangest look on her face. "If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that I saw a pig with bat wings..."

A king-sized sweatdrop rolled down the side of Akane's face. "Ukyo, I think you'd better sit down."

"You think I'm crazy, don't you?" Ukyo angrily snapped. "Well, if you don't believe me, then why don't you ask **him**?"

Akane turned to see Dr. Tofu lying face-up on the floor, his glasses knocked off and only half-conscious.

"Oh my gosh! Dr. Tofu, are you okay?" Akane shouted, rushing over to him.

She gently patted the side of his face, bringing him around. The stunned M.D. groggily opened his eyes, allowing everything to come into focus (a job made much easier when Akane put his glasses back on for him).

"Oooooh... What hit me?" he moaned.

"I did; or rather, the door that I pushed did," Ukyo answered in a no-nonsense tone. "I think you owe us an explanation. You mind explaining why my fiance had dog ears?"

"Ukyo! Give it a rest, already! It must have been some kind of optical illusion. Right, Dr. Tofu?" she asked the bruised chiropractor.

"Well, that is..." Dr. Tofu stammered. "_I don't want to make Ukyo look like a liar, but Ranma and the others specifically requested that I keep this quiet. Arrrgh... What should I do? Well, I suppose there's only one thing to do in a situation such as this..._"

"I plead doctor-patient confidentiality!" he blurted, causing Akane and Ukyo to faceplant.

"So she **is** telling the truth! Dr. Tofu, what's going on?" Akane shouted, wild-eyed.

"I know nothink!" Dr. Tofu answered in a fake German accent, emphasizing his point by symbolically zipping his lips.

"Psst! Akane, come here for a second," Ukyo whispered.

Akane did as she was asked, and Ukyo put her hand to her ear. "Sugar, I don't know about you, but I've seen smoking gun barrels less suspicious than your boy Tofu here. I'm not leaving until he tells me where Ranma is and what's going on! How about you?"

Akane considered for a second, then reluctantly nodded. "All right, count me in. No rough stuff, though, okay?"

Ukyo nodded in assent, and both of them looked over at their future victim; from his determined expression, they knew that this was NOT going to be easy.

"_What are they talking about over there?_" he wondered. Soon, the two girls sauntered over to where he was sitting.

Akane pulled up a chair and sweetly said, "Won't you have a seat, Doctor?"

He shook his head. "No, that's all right. I..."

His sentence trailed off when he saw Ukyo pull a nylon cord from behind her back. The tomboy glared daggers at him and snarled, "We insist."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"You live **here?**" Mousse gasped incredulously. "It looks like a castle, for crying out loud!"

Ranma nodded in grim agreement; he knew from experience that the Kuno ancestral mansion _was_ as big as a castle, and just as well defended. The four extra-cursed boys had managed to sneak across town without causing any heart attacks, but now that they had reached their objective they were unsure as to how to proceed.

"Um, I suppose knocking would be out of the question?" Ryoga finally ventured.

"Maybe, but maybe not..." Ranma muttered as he noticed a note tacked to the front door. "For us, maybe?"

He snatched the note off of the door and began reading. "Huh... looks like some kind of contract," Ranma finally muttered. He looked up to see his friends giving him puzzled stares.

"How in the world are you reading that?" Ryoga blurted. "You're in almost complete darkness!"

Ranma realized to his own surprise that they were right; there was no way he should have been able to read the letter with such poor lighting.

"Heh. Whaddya know? I guess this new curse gives me night vision or something..." he chuckled. "Here, I'll bring it over to the streetlight so you guys can read it."

That accomplished, Mousse took it from Ranma's hands and began reading aloud: "We, the undersigned, admit that we have not given Hikaru Gosenkugi the respect he rightfully deserves. In reparation for this injustice, we promise to sincerely apologize. In return, the great Gosenkugi will generously restore us to our normal forms..."

The four boys didn't say anything for a few seconds; Ryoga finally broke the silence. "I don't know about you guys," he said, "but at this point I 'ain't too proud to beg', if you know what I mean. If an apology is all it takes to get my normal body back, then I'll kowtow to him all he wants!"

The lost boy pulled a ballpoint pen from his pocket and was about to sign when a large blue hand slapped the pen away. "Hey! Kuno, what's the big idea?" Ryoga yelled angrily.

To everyone's suprise, Kuno was deadly serious. "I'm doing you a favor, fool. Take a look at paragraph 13, line 36, clause 112."

Using Mousse's glasses as a magnifying glass, they scoured the fine print until they had located the phrase in question. It read: "We, the undersigned, also pledge to give up our free will to Hikaru Gosenkugi for an indefinite period of time."

Ryoga's already pale skin turned stark white as he realized what he had almost signed his "John Hancock" to. "Thanks, Kuno," he gulped, "I owe you one."

Mousse growled, "Geez, he's sneaky... This contract has some kind of voodoo power too, no doubt." A closer inspection (and the Haitian symbols on the bottom-right of the paper) confirmed that suspicion.

Meanwhile, Ranma was searching frantically for the signpost to the Twilight Zone; Kuno had actually said something bright! Finally, he couldn't contain his curiosity any longer. "All right, Kuno! Spill the beans!" he demanded. "How in the world did you notice that?"

Kuno smirked. "Ranma Saotome, I may be a swordsman, but I am also a Kuno. We did not get where we are today by NOT reading the fine print."

Although he still had trouble bringing himself to believe that the "Blue Thunder" he knew and (didn't) love had managed to do something so intelligent, Ranma had to concede the point. "Well, the contract is a wash-out, then. I should have known that we'd have to do this the hard way. Okay, then; here's what we'll do. Ryoga, you can fly, so you take the top floor. I'll take the ground floor, and Kuno can take the basement. Mousse, you take the moat; with this place's huge plumbing system, you should have no trouble getting inside."

Ryoga nodded in agreement. "Sounds good to me. He'll have a much harder time fighting us if we split up like that."

"You still haven't said how we're going to get inside in the first place, though," Mousse pointed out.

Kuno walked over to the door of his palatial home, a knowing grin on his face. "Quite simple, my good man. As our toothy companion suggested, we shall knock."

With that, the Franken-swordsman rared back and punched the door with all of his curse-enhanced might. The door flew off its hinges as if it had been held in place by staples, crashing into the house with a deafening impact! The other three knew that that was the signal to move; without a word, they each dashed in their appointed directions and quickly infiltrated Castle Kuno...

END OF CHAPTER 4  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I don't have a whole heckuva lot to say here, so I'll just state the obvious: things are about to get wild and crazy as the seige of Castle Kuno begins!

Stick around, okay? (Also, don't forget to drop me a review.) Hasta la pizza, home-fries!


	5. Bringin' Down the House, Part 1

"Why, you little... **how dare they?**" Gosenkugi screeched angrily. He had been watching Ranma and the others with a security camera ever since they had arrived, but Kuno's all-out assault had come as something of a shock.

"How did they notice the spell on the contract?" the voodoo practicioner wondered aloud. "I was sure that they would be much too stupid to figure it out... Oh, well. I still hold all the aces in this little game of cards! This house has more traps than a funhouse, and I'll be sure to use every last one of them."

Gosenkugi chuckled as he imagined the torment he was about to put his arch-enemies through. He could still barely believe his string of good luck; normally, his plan would have backfired in some horrible fashion by now. Maybe it was the Haitian goodies, maybe it was the fact that it was October 31st... Whatever the reason, Gosenkugi's ol' black magic was working for once, and he was going to take advantage of it to the fullest.

"Get ready, Ranma Saotome," he chuckled malevolently. "You're about to experience what real pain feels like..."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"I hate to sound like a broken record, but... where the heck am I now?"

Other than a slight echo, there was no answer to Ryoga Hibiki's question (not that he expected one). After Kuno had sent the front door flying, Ryoga had taken flight and slipped into a conveniently-opened third floor window. He was very pleased that he had managed to get inside without getting lost, but now the vampire found himself in an unfamiliar dark corridor. He could make out the faint outline of a door at the end of the hall, and (with no better ideas) decided to head for it. Finally, he reached the green door in question. Ryoga was relieved to see that it looked fairly ordinary: no death's heads, black roses, or anything of that sort; just your average, run-of-the-mill door.

"Okay, then. Let's see what's behind door number one..." he whispered with a slight grin.

Ryoga turned the latch and walked inside, allowing the door to close behind him. It took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the darkness, but once they did he saw something that brought a grimace to his face. In front of him was a large green wall with one opening in it, and through that opening he could see that the walkway bridged into several different paths. These walls didn't _quite_ touch the roof, leaving just enough space to peep over. A sinking feeling in his chest, Ryoga hopped up to get a better view. What he saw confirmed his worst suspicions: he had somehow wandered into the "Kuno Family Labyrinth"!

Ryoga dropped back down to the ground and angrily bewailed his luck. "A maze! **Why does it ALWAYS have to be a (**_insert expletives_**) maze?**"

Ryoga took another look at the endless series of walls, twists, and turns and shook his head in disgust. He muttered, "I don't have time for this. I'm outta-- HUH?"

Turning back around, Ryoga saw to his further mortification that the "average wooden door" he had entered through looked like a bank vault from this side! He ran over to the door and tried to open it; in line with his current string of bad luck, it was locked and, even with his inhuman strength, Ryoga couldn't budge it. Fighting the urge to panic, Ryoga took a deep breath and tried to collect his thoughts.

"_Okay, okay. Let's just calm down and take a look at this situation. This door is made of reinforced steel, so leaving the way I came isn't an option. Besides, that would be heading backwards. I guess I could try the maze, but I would be lucky to find my way out by my 70th birthday, much less daybreak. I can't go out the door, I can't navigate the maze... is there some other option I'm missing?_"

As Ryoga's brain began working full-steam, he started tapping his forehead with his index finger. He finally noticed this and stopped, chuckling slightly at this old nervous habit. Just then, inspiration hit him like a load of bricks.

"Wait! That's it!" he exclaimed triumphantly, raising his index finger to eye level. "Why wander through a maze when I can make a path straight through it?"

With his confidence restored, Ryoga raced toward the first wall and rammed his finger into it.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

_**BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**_

Wall after wall were utterly destroyed by the bandanna-wearing vampire and his "famed finger of doom". Even more amazingly, his path of distruction was a straight line rather than a circle; whether this was luck or some kind of "vampire sonar" is anybody's guess.

"All right," Ryoga panted as he ran, "I've got to be nearly to the center by now. This isn't all that bad..."

Just then, Ryoga noticed a slight whirring sound heading in his direction. He instinctively dodged just in time to avoid being halved by the mysterious projectile.

"Who's there?" Ryoga angrily demanded. "Show yourself!"

A faint rumbling sound reached the vampire's sensitive ears, and he paled visibly when he realized that it was the sound of _footsteps_. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so intent on the heavy-footed menace, however, for if he had been paying closer attention, he might have noticed a familiar whirring sound...

_**ZZZZZTTT!**_

"AAAARRGGGHHH!" Ryoga screamed in agony as the object severed his left arm. He clutched his bleeding shoulder in pain, but was greatly surprised at just how quickly the pain faded. Was this some sort of side effect of his new curse? Not that it mattered much; regardless of how much or little it hurt, the fact of the matter was that the directionless lad _was_ missing an arm.

Just as the spinning object was about to round a corner, a giant hand reached out and caught it in mid-air. Apparently, the weapon that had left Ryoga one arm short was a humongous (now-bloody) battle axe. The huge hand was soon joined by a frightening creature of similiar proportions. It had the body of a giant man wearing ancient armor, but it sported the head of a bull. Ryoga's first thought was "Pantyhose Taro", but he quickly remembered another such creature that he had read about in a book on Greek mythology.

"A... Minotaur?" he gasped, barely able to believe his eyes. "The Kunos are soooooooo weird!"

The monster raised its axe threateningly. Ryoga realized that it didn't want to play charades, so he quickly drew his titanium umbrella with his remaining arm. It was an action performed just in time, as this monster possessed amazing speed for something its size. Ryoga barely had time to blink before the monster was right on top of him. It tried to slice Ryoga in two with an overhead swing, but the lost boy wasn't about to go down without a fight. It took every ounce of his inhuman strength, but he somehow managed to block the attack with his umbrella. The Minotaur narrowed its eyes in anger; it now realized that it would have to put out a little more effort to defeat this one.

It stopped its downward pressure on the comparitavely tiny vampire, but what Ryoga at first mistook for a break in the fighting was only a prelude to an all-out offensive. The Minotaur started hammering the beleaguered pig-boy with strike after strike from his huge axe. Finally, it caught him off-guard with an upward swing, knocking Ryoga off his feet and sending his parasol flying across the room. As soon as the lost boy hit the ground, he scrambled to his feet and reached for his umbrella, finding only air.

"_What? Where did it...?_" Ryoga wondered. A glance underneath the Minotaur's feet answered his question, but hardly in the way he would have liked. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Ryoga realized that he was now utterly defenseless; without his metal umbrella to shield him, the man-beast only needed one good hit to do him in.

"_Boy, I'm really in for it now!_" Ryoga shuddered as the Minotaur edged closer. "_Okay, Ryoga. This is the part in the fight where Ranma always comes up with some brilliant plan to beat his opponent. He's an idiot, so how hard can this be? C'mon, brain cells; **THINK!**_"

Although it may have been a delusion brought on by severe stress, Ryoga could have sworn that he heard a little voice saying, "Sorry, but we can't answer your question right now. Please leave a message at the sound of the beep." Regardless, it became painfully obvious to the lost boy that improvisation wasn't his strong suit. Just when he was about to give up hope, something rather unusual happened: he suddenly felt a strong tingling sensation in his left shoulder/arm socket. In fact, it almost felt like something was growing...

"_Could it be?_" Ryoga wondered, staring at his shoulder in fascination. "_Only one way to find out, I guess. I just hope I can stall this freak long enough for this to work..._"

By now the Minotaur was standing only a few feet away, his axe raised in preparation for the final blow. "Die," he said in an oddly-monotone voice. With that, he began his final strike, intending to decapitate the pesky intruder.

"Hey, Beautiful!" Ryoga screamed, barely able to hide his panic.

The Minotaur stopped in mid-swing, raising his eyebrow.

"_Uhhh... That is **not** what I meant to say,_" Ryoga thought, mortified. "_Oh, well. It stopped him, and that's the important thing._"

Clearing his throat, Ryoga continued before he lost the monster's attention. "I... um... have a riddle for you. Okay, here goes: what do vampires and lizards have in common?"

The Minotaur lowered his axe and scratched his head. He seemed unable to talk, but this plainly meant, "Gee, I don't know. What _do_ they have in common?"

The tingling sensation in Ryoga's shoulder was now overwhelming, and he grinned as he felt it climax. Suddenly, a new arm burst forth where the old one had been!

"Both can regenerate lost limbs!" Ryoga roared triumphantly. He noticed the Minotaur's shocked expression and knew that the moment had come to strike. Before the monster could guard itself, Ryoga connected with a ridiculously-powerful uppercut to the chin. The Minotaur flew off its feet, tiny pieces of metal flying everywhere.

"_Hahaha! I sure showed him,_" Ryoga gloated."_Why, look at all of those nuts and bolts flying out of his neck, and... **WAIT A MINUTE!** Nuts and bolts? Then he must be a... robot?_"

Armed with this new knowledge, Ryoga set out to finish this fight once and for all. The Minotaur, despite the smoke pouring from his throat, was back on his feet and armed with his axe. This time, however, Ryoga was ready for him. The bull-man brought his axe down where Ryoga had just been, but it realized too late that the attack had backfired. Using the giant weapon as a springboard, the vampire launched himself upward toward the giant's head. The last image the Minotaur ever saw was Ryoga shooting toward him, his index finger raised...

"**Bakusai Tenketsu!**"

As Ryoga's finger imbedded itself in the exposed circuitry on the Minotaur's neck, cracks began spreading like wildfire across the monster's body. The room was rocked by a huge explosion; when the dust settled, it revealed a lone figure standing on top of what appeared to be a scrap heap. Flashing a toothy grin, Ryoga blew the "smoking gun barrel" that was his index finger.

"That's one; one down. Ah, hah, hah!" he chuckled.

Ryoga's brow furrowed. Why had he felt the need to talk in a Transylvanian accent, much less like he was teaching math to little children? Well, he didn't have time to worry about that right now. Finding Gosenkugi was priority number one!

With his resolve strengthened, Ryoga continued his path of destruction through the maze and toward the door he knew lay on the other side...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

_Meanwhile... inside the plumbing of Castle Kuno..._

"_I've never seen so many twists and turns!_" Mousse thought, exasperated. "_It's a good thing that **I** took this way instead of Ryoga..._"

Despite the labyrinthine nature of the pipes, the myopic merman was making excellent time. As soon as Kuno had demolished the front door, Mousse took off running, reached the moat, and dove right in. To his great suprise, the normal "turn into a duck" routine didn't occur! Apparently the scaled skin he received because of the "wicka-wacka-froo-hoo" spell made him completely watertight, so the old water-based curse was null and void. Mousse quickly realized that this was to his advantage, as his new mer-body was able to slide through the water at speeds that his duck form could only envy. In a matter of moments, he had located the plumbing duct and slipped inside.

Thanks to a sharp eye (he kept his glasses on), several educated guesses, and a whole lot of luck, Mousse had managed to wind his way through the house. However, he now found himself in a narrow section of pipe that branched into two directions, and he wasn't quite sure which path to take. As puzzled as he was about what direction to go, he was much more curious as to why anyone would hang a signpost here...

It read:

Left - Water Purification Area; HIGHLY DANGEROUS TO SWIMMERS!

Right -Mr. Turtle's Peaceful Pond

"Mr... Turtle?" Mousse wondered aloud. (Although he didn't notice it, this curse apparently allows him to _speak_ underwater, as well as breathe.) "Well, I'm not entirely sure what that means, but a 'peaceful pond' sounds a whole lot safer than trying to swim through some giant water filter."

His mind made up, Mousse began swimming down the tube leading to the lair of the friendly-sounding turtle. He finally reached the exit and swam for the surface, but what he saw when he got there confused him.

"What the... this doesn't look like a pond," he muttered, scratching his head. The room he was in looked like some sort of large water tank, with no land on the sides. In fact, the only place to stand was a small balcony-like structure high above him. The way the room was set up reminded Mousse of something, but he couldn't seem to remember exactly what that was. He was about to go back the way he came, when he felt a slight ripple in the water.

(_Cue "Jaws" music_)

Mousse's scales turned a much lighter shade of green as he realized what "Mr. Turtle's Peaceful Pond" really was.

"I'm in a... (_gulp_)... feeding tank..." he moaned.

Just then, he felt the water behind him surging forth. Mousse whirled around to find himself face-to-face with the gaping maw of an enormous crocodile! The croc was about to make itself a nice fish sandwich out of the merman, but Mousse had other plans. He grabbed the monster by the jaws and, using his newfound supernatural strength, managed to keep them from snapping shut.

"Mr. Turtle, I presume?" Mousse panted, straining under the pressure exerted by the croc's mighty mouth.

As if in answer, Mr. Turtle switched tactics out of nowhere. Mousse was thrown completely off-balance as the huge reptile suddenly began spinning at dizzying speeds.

"**CRICKEY!**" Mousse screamed as he struggled to maintain his grip on Mr. Turtle's powerful jaws. As the croc's teeth began to cut into his skin, Mousse realized that he couldn't keep this up much longer.

"_There has to be some way to stop this walking pair of boots..._" he thought with panic. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a piece of pipe that jutted out from the wall slightly. Inspiration hit him like a bolt of lightning; he knew how to stop Mr. Turtle, if he could just pull it off...

He placed one of his feet on the croc's bottom jaw, freeing one arm to do its job. He then pulled a grappling hook out of ... um... wherever he keeps all of his stuff, and hurled it toward the pipe. Luckily for our half-blind hero, it caught on the first try. Next, he tied the other end around Mr. Turtle's snout. Now all he had to do was hang on a few more seconds...

Mr. Turtle was feeling very pleased with himself. He had managed to ensnare this huge fish, and couldn't wait to chow down. Just when he felt his victim's hold weakening, Mr. Turtle was shocked to come to an abrupt, jarring halt. What had happened?

"Hahaha! Serves you right, you overgrown lizard!" Mousse laughed, pointing at the trapped crocodile. Mr. Turtle was covered from top to bottom in steel wire, giving the appearance of Godzilla in a cocoon. The croc angrily thrashed about, but to no avail; he was about as trapped as trapped can be.

Mousse swam over to the furious reptile and patted it on the head. "Sorry, Mr. Turtle, but you brought that one on yourself. You shouldn't have spun around so much, epecially when you were wrapping yourself up in steel wire. Well, goodbye old chum. I hope you make a beautiful butterfly!"

Still laughing, Mousse turned and swam back through the opening whence he came, leaving a very embarassed crocodile behind...

END OF CHAPTER 5

-----------------------------------

Well, that's it for this installment. I really feel the need to apologize for how slowly I've been updating. You see, I was suffering from writer's block for quite a while, and I recovered just in time to get shut down by this site's administration for a week (a "script format" violation on an old story I had forgotten about). I hope that explains why it took me so long to update, and I hope to be a little more timely in the future.

Anyhoo... please drop me a review. Be sure to stick around for the next action-filled chapter, okay?


	6. Bringin' Down the House, Part 2

"All right, you! Fess up! Where is my fiancee?" Ukyo demanded.

She took the apple out of Dr. Tofu's mouth just long enough for him to shout, "I'll never tell!"

"You won't, eh?" Ukyo growled. "Then I guess I'll have to beat you around a little more with my spatula!"

"**Please, not again!**" Tofu yelled before having the apple shoved back in his mouth.

Ukyo raised her huge battle spatula and was just about to strike when Akane walked back into the dojo.

"Ukyo, what are you doing?" she gasped, horrified.

"Being the 'bad cop'," Ukyo replied matter-of-factly. "Remember? You were the 'good cop', so now I get to be the bad one."

"_Honestly, I leave her alone for five minutes..._" Akane thought, mortified. "Ukyo, come over here."

Ukyo put down her gigantic cooking utensil down and walked over to the corner with Akane.

"Look, Ukyo, this isn't working," Akane whispered. "Dr. Tofu is a tougher nut to crack than we thought. This calls for drastic measures!"

"I gotcha..." Ukyo nodded, rummaging through her purse. Finally, she found what she was looking for.

"This oughta do it!" she beamed, pulling out a taser.

"**NO! NOT THAT!**" Tofu screamed, spitting the apple out in panic.

"**WHAT HE SAID: NOT THAT!**" Akane squeaked. She yanked the weapon out of Ukyo's hand and gave her a dirty look. "Ukyo, what in the world is the matter with you?"

To Akane's shock, the tomboyish chef's eyes began brimming with tears. "I--I'm sorry, Akane. Sorry, Dr. Tofu (_the M.D. gives a nervous nod_). It's just... I have this horrible feeling that something terrible has happened to Ran-chan. When the guy you love is in danger, you tend to do crazy things, and..."

Akane finally realized just how hard this situation was on Ukyo, and she simultaneously became aware of her own worry. She gave Ukyo a little hug and whispered, "I know you're worried. I am, too. We'll find Ranma and bring him home in one piece, I promise. (_Haha..._) No tasers, though, okay?"

Ukyo laughed a little through her tears. "Okay. (_Takes a deep breath_) All right, enough gushy stuff. I'm gonna be strong for Ranma! Well, what do _you_ have in mind for 'drastic measures'?"

Dr. Tofu was still adamant about his 'vow of silence', declaring, "I'm not going to talk, no matter what you try. Do you hear me?"

"Sure, Doctor, sure..." Akane retorted, an enigmatic smile on her face. "KASUMI! COME HERE FOR A SECOND, PLEASE!"

As the eldest Tendo daughter rushed outside to see what her sibling wanted, the befuddled M.D.'s glasses began fogging over...

* * *

"OH HO HO HO HO! Oh, Ranma darling! Come out, shnookums!" 

The "shnookums" in question was curled up in a fetal position in a dark corner, covered in a cold sweat. To say that Ranma Saotome was one panicked individual would be... an understatement, to put it lightly.

"_I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!_" he thought with a shiver. "_Why did it have to be **HER**? Kuno, I can outsmart. Sasuke, I can beat up. Heck, I can at least run away from Mr. Turtle! But Kodachi..._"

He heard that haunting laugh again, much closer this time, and desperately fought the urge to break and run.

"OH HO HO HO HO! Ranma darling, you're such a Romeo!" Kodachi giggled. "To come over to my house on Halloween, in full costume no less, just shows what a cutie you are. Come now; don't be shy! I want my big bwave werewolf to pwotect me fwom the spooky wooky dark..."

Ranma truly felt like a cornered animal. Kodachi was blocking the only way out, and it was only a matter of time before she discovered her "big bwave werewolf" and smothered him in love as only she could.

"_There HAS to be some way out of here!_" Ranma thought, his eyes searching frantically for some means of escape. Suddenly, he noticed a door on the opposite side of the hallway from where he was crouching. It didn't exactly look friendly; it was covered in heavy chains and had a large sign posted above it that read:

"WARNING: Certain death lies beyond this door. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

Ranma sweatdropped. "This is my one and only exit? I have a bad feeling about this..."

Just then, the stressed-out wolfman heard steps coming closer. A sickeningly sweet voice called, "Get ready, my sweet little wolf-hunk! Your 'trainer' is coming to find you!"

His eyes went wide with horror. "Y'know, I have a much worse feeling about out here! **Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!**"

Ranma's powerful punches demolished the chains in seconds, and he slipped inside the door just as Kodachi rounded the corner. The Black Rose was sporting a rather interesting getup, which I _suppose_ could (in some circles) be considered that of a trainer... She wore a skimpy dominatrix suit, a "Lone Ranger" mask, and was carrying a large whip.

"Sweety? Are you here?" she inquired. Finding that Ranma was nowhere to be seen, she put her hands on her hips and pouted.

"I could have sworn that my darling Ranma came this way. Perhaps he made his way to the kitchen; he does so like to eat, after all..." she said with a sigh. With that, Kodachi turned and left the way she came.

* * *

"Let's see," Ranma muttered, "there must be a light switch in here somewhere..." 

Finally, his keen eyes made out a slight bump on the wall. He flicked it into the on position, and he shielded his eyes as the room was flooded with bright light. When he opened his eyes, however, he began to wonder if perhaps ignorance really _was_ bliss.

Apparently, Ranma had wandered into some sort of deadly gauntlet! The room was some ten feet wide and forty feet long, painted white from top to bottom. The five feet adjacent to the door through which Ranma had entered was a "safe zone", with no discernable dangers. The _rest_ of the room, however, was another story entirely...

From the ceiling hung huge blades that swung back and forth in a pendulum motion, with no common pattern. The ceiling-mounted sickles were hardly the only danger; occasionally a section or two of the wall would shoot out from both sides, meeting in the middle. Naturally, this would crush whatever or whoever was unfortunate enough to be walking there at the time. To complete the "try it and die" atmosphere of the room, spikes would randomly shoot upward from the floor and mobile punching bags flew this way and that, ready to knock any challenger into one of the afore-mentioned traps.

Ranma's skin became clammy as he took in this portrait of impossibility. "Wh-what in the world IS this room?"

"Ranma Saotome, is that you?" a voice boomed, causing Ranma's heart to skip a beat.

Once he had recovered from his momentary shock, the wolf-man cautiously raised his eyes to find the source of the voice. He didn't have far to search; there was a wall-mounted TV to his left, and the face on the screen belonged to none other than Sasuke!

"Sasuke?" Ranma said, releasing his held breath. "Geez, you almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, I apologize," the Kuno family ninja replied, bowing slightly. "My surprise at your... new look made me forget my manners."

"Ah, don't sweat it," Ranma replied, his composure regained. "Well, since you're here, howsabout telling me where I am? For that matter, where the heck have you been all this time?"

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Well, let me answer the first question first. In regards to your location, you're standing in Master Kuno's abandoned training room."

"Training room?" Ranma asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yes..." Sasuke answered hesitantly. "You see, about three months ago Master Kuno got fed up with losing to you, so he ordered the construction of this training room. He had experts from all over the world flown in to design it. Near the end of the planning stages, they realized that they had outdone themselves..."

(_Flashback_)

_DESIGNER: _"_I'm telling you, Sir, that we **must** redo these designs! We didn't give enough thought to human limitations, and--_"

_KUNO: _"_Then you have done your job well. The opponent I must face will require nothing less than the most strenuous training imaginable to defeat._"

_DESIGNER: _"_Do you have putty in your ears, young man? I'm telling you that there's no way in the world that anything human can run this gauntlet and live!_"

_KUNO: _"_Finish it with the current plans, or you shan't get paid a single yen._"

_DESIGNER (sweatdropping): _"_Right away, sir..._"

(_End flashback_)

"I know where this is going," Ranma muttered, rolling his eyes. "The big goof tried it anyway, almost got himself killed, and ran out of here screaming like a two-year-old."

Sasuke blushed slightly. "In a word: yes. He ordered the room sealed off, and you're the first one that's been in it since."

"As much as I like a challenge, I think I'll pass this time..." Ranma frowned, glancing at the menacing gauntlet. "Open the door and let me out."

A rather embarassed look came over the ninja's face. "Well, about that... I can't."

Ranma faceplanted, but he quickly recovered and began shouting angrily at the TV. "What the heck do you mean, 'I can't'? What kind of screwed-up answer is that?"

Sasuke's face hardened into the very picture of seriousness. "I mean just what I said: I can't. You see, the answer to your other question from earlier is that I'm being controlled by some sort of black magic. That Gosenkugi fellow barged right in, tossed some sort of powder in my face, and now he's controlling me like a puppet! The only good news is that my mind doesn't seem to be affected, only my body."

"Let me guess," Ranma said with a weary sigh, "Gosenkugi put you in charge of this little torture chamber and told you to not let anyone escape."

"Hey, you're batting a thousand tonight, Mr. Saotome!" Sasuke answered, surprised at the young man's intuition.

Ranma slapped one hand over his eyes. "Figures... just my luck..." he moaned.

"Well, I guess there's no use whining about it," he said, stepping toward the gauntlet. "I guess I'd better--"

_**SHWING!**_

Ranma panted heavily, his body shaking like a leaf. In between his teeth he held a small throwing knife that had been hurled from the opposite end of the room. A quick glance at the far-away wall on the other side revealed that it was riddled with holes, just large enough to throw small objects (like throwing knives, for example) through.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Sasuke exclaimed. "I almost forgot to tell you: from that row on, each floor tile activates some sort of trap when you step on it."

"Wrrya mnh amst?" Ranma growled through clenched teeth. (_Translation: "Whaddya mean, 'almost'?"_)

Spitting out the knife, Ranma silently turned around and walked several feet back. He stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

"_Okay, man..._" he thought. "_This is it, so you have to toss everything else on your mind out the window. On the count of three: 1... 2..._"

"**Three!**" he yelled, turning and running full speed toward almost certain doom. As soon as he hit the afore-mentioned row, the far wall exploded with dozens of shiny blades. To his own amazement, the wonder-wolf somehow managed to dodge them all! The knives weren't his only concern, however, as he leaped left and right to avoid the pendulum sickles.

As Ranma zig-zagged past all of the flying knives and swinging blades, he couldn't get over his amazement at how well he was doing. "_This is unreal... I was sure I was going to get chopped to shreds before I made it five feet, but I'm already a quarter of the way there without a scratch! Is this what my werewolf body is capable of?_"

As Ranma stepped on one of the tiles, his sensitive ears picked up a slight clicking sound. He leaped upward just in time to avoid the three jagged spikes that erupted from the ground below. After this close brush with death, Ranma's cockiness quickly evaporated.

"Crap..." he gasped, dodging a punching bag, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that this place is getting harder as I go!"

As if in answer to this statement, the walls, pendulums, and punching bags suddenly doubled their speed.

"I've gotta learn to keep my big mouth shut!" Ranma muttered. He picked up some movement with his peripheral vision, springing forward just in time to avoid a crushing defeat (pun intended) at the hands of two colliding walls. Everything became a blur of color as Ranma dashed on all fours down the remaining twenty feet of the room. He vaguely made out what was going on around him: he dodged a wall crusher here, leapt over a pendulum there, jumped over spikes rising from below, ducked a punching bag to his left, and avoided some throwing knives to his right. It wasn't that he had allowed instinct to take over; instead (and more incredibly) his body seemed to be keeping pace with the speed of his thought!

Suddenly, Ranma realized that he was mere feet away from the door. His joy was dampened, however, by the realization that he was caught between a pendulum behind him and a wall crusher in front! Using one last surge of energy, he shot forward with inhuman speed, making it just in time... sort of.

_**SLAM!**_

"YOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!" Ranma wailed as his tail was crushed flat. The walls parted a split-second later, allowing the teary-eyed wolfman to crawl the final three feet to the door. Ranma stood up slowly and painfully, leaning on the door for support. Looking down, he quickly noticed that he had several throwing knives sticking out of his chest, arms, and legs. He found it extremely odd that they hurt so little, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. As he began pulling them out, another wall-mounted TV (identical to the one on the other side of the room) flashed on.

"Mr. Saotome, that was amazing!" Sasuke exclaimed excitedly. "I've never seen such--"

His sentence trailed off and his skin turned pale as he beheld the weeping werewolf, removing the knives from his wounds.

"Oh, my! Sir, those knives... are you going to be all right?" the ninja asked, very concerned.

"Forget the knives!" Ranma choked. "It's my tail that's killing me! I had no idea it was that sensitive... I feel like someone slammed my nuts in a car door!"

For a second, there was awkward silence. Then, Sasuke started laughing uproariously! At first Ranma was ticked off, but within a few seconds he found himself guffawing as well. When they had both calmed down, Sasuke gave Ranma a warm smile.

"Well, despite the squashed tail, I'm glad you made it through safely, Ranma Saotome," he chuckled. "When you see Mr. Gosenkugi, give him a punch in the nose for me, okay?"

"Will do!" Ranma replied, pulling the last knife out. He stared in amazement at his wounds as they healed before his very eyes.

"_Y'know, except for the fur, tail, and yellow eyes, this werewolf thing ain't so bad..._" he thought whimsically. "_The cons still outweigh the pros by a longshot, though. No matter what that geek throws at me, I **will** ditch this curse before morning. Better get ready, Gosenkugi, 'cuz you'll be 'monster mash' by the time I get through pounding you!_"

"Sasuke, I'll see you later," Ranma stated, waving at the TV monitor. With that, he opened the door and ran into the waiting darkness.

END OF CHAPTER 6

--------------------------------------

Hidey-ho, neighbors! I hope you enjoyed this chapter; I had a LOT of fun writing it.

I know a lot of you are probably starting to wonder, "Where the heck did Gosenkugi go? Isn't he your title character?" I have only two words for these people: you're right. I'm afraid he's gone a little by the wayside in these past two chapters, but rest assured that he'll be back "en force" for the next installment. Till then, don't take any wooden nickels! (Or voodoo dolls from pizza delivery boys...)


	7. The House Falls

"**WHAT?** That can't be right!"

Deep within the central control room of the Kuno home, Hikaru Gosenkugi stared in horrified dismay at the computer monitor before him. Each of the invaders had been represented as a red dot, and all of the traps were yellow bars. The screen before him showed a WHOLE lot of broken bars, and four red dots moving rapidly toward his position!

"All of those traps... failed?" he squeaked, shell-shocked. "There's no way..."

His skin clammy, Gosenkugi muttered, "If those guys catch me, they're going to pound me to a pulp. This has gotten way more serious than I meant it to. Still, there's no turning back now. I've got to win this... (_gulp_) or else."

It was then that he noticed that one of the red blips was heading straight for a still-intact yellow bar.

Gosenkugi let out a grim chuckle. "It looks like I might get to 'thin the pack' yet... Okay, then. Bring it on, blip number four!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"When an invader is audacious enough to seize one's house, one expects the rogue to at least attempt to defend it," Kuno mused as he walked into yet another empty room. "On the other hand, I cannot say that I blame him. My prowess with the sword is enough to strike fear into the bravest of men! Hahaha!"

Kuno's laughter echoed throughout the room, as if confirming his boast. Surprisingly, the central route through the house that Kuno had chosen had turned out to be the least dangerous of the four. Of course, a few robots and mechanical ninjas had attempted to impede his progress, but they were no match for Frankunostein or his mighty bokken. Knowing the location of each and every trap in the entire mansion didn't hurt, either. However, Blue Thunder's easy waltz toward the control room was about to hit a snag...

As Kuno stepped into a nearby hallway, a wall camera was watching his every move.

"Okay, here goes nothing!" Gosenkugi muttered as he hit a switch on the control panel. "I have my doubts that even he will fall for this old gag, though..."

"Oh, Kuuuuuuno!" a feminine voice called. "I have a little gift for ya'!"

Kuno stopped in his tracks and whirled to face the door from whence the voice came. "That honeyed voice... could it be?"

Unable to believe his luck (or Kuno's stupidity), Gosenkugi quickly pressed the repeat button on the console.

"Oh, Kuuuuuuno! I have a little gift for ya'!"

"Ah! It's the Pigtailed Girl!" Kuno exclaimed. "She must have gotten worried about me and rushed to my aid. How charming my crimson-haired godess can be!"

Just then, another voice came through the door. "Oh, Upperclassman Kuno! Good morning!"

"And Akane Tendo as well?" Kuno gushed, all smiles and butterflies. "Truly I am a blessed man to have two lovely damsels care for me so! Calm your beating hearts, my darlings; I come to you anon!"

With that, Kuno opened up the door and rushed inside. The big buffoon was so enamored with the thought of embracing his "loves" that he didn't notice the door swinging shut and locking behind him...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"BWAHAHAHAHA! I can't believe he fell for that! This is too rich!" Gosenkugi cackled. Turning serious, he muttered, "I can't help but wonder how and why Kuno had all of these audio tapes of Akane and that other girl, though. Oh, well. If he's stupid enough to leave them lying around, then he _deserves_ to have them used against him."

A smug grin spread across his face as he began fiddling with the control panel. "Speaking of Mr. Millionaire, let's see how he's doing..."

The screen suddenly changed to reveal Kuno standing in the middle of a vault-like room. The entire room, from floor tiles, to walls, to the ceiling, was covered with stainless, reinforced steel. This would be a great place to hide if seeking shelter from a nuclear blast, but if you rushed inside looking for two lovely ladies to glomp, then you were out of luck.

Kuno sweatdropped as he took in his surroundings. "Methinks I have committed a grave error indeed... If I am not mistaken, this is one of the numerous vaults spread throughout my house."

The monsterous swordsman suddenly looked pensive, placing his fist underneath his chin. Something was nagging at the back of his mind, but he couldn't quite place it. "For some odd reason, I seem to remember there being something special about this particular room. Now, what was it?"

_WWWWWWHHHHHHHRRRRRRR!_

As the sound of moving gears reached his ears, it suddenly dawned on Kuno what made this room so unique.

"Ack! Falling ceiling!" he shrieked.

He had just enough time to brace himself before the ceiling came crashing down upon his shoulders. For a moment, Kuno's entire body shook and it seemed that he would be unable to hold it. Luckily, the Kendo master finally managed to regain his balance and stabilize the situation. Panting heavily, he shifted the weight from his shoulders to his powerful arms so that he could more easily exert lifting pressure. Kuno's biceps tensed as he pushed upward with all of his might, groaning under the strain. Amazingly, his efforts were not futile! He was slowly but surely lifting the fallen ceiling, despite its crushing weight.

Just then, shrill laughter echoed reverberated throughout the room, and the sound of clapping was heard. "Wow! Kuno, I have to admit that I'm impressed. Lifting that heavy metal ceiling is one thing, but I had no idea that you would be able to lift it with one ton of hydrolic pressure bearing down on you. Truly amazing!"

Through clenched teeth, Kuno hissed, "What do you want, coward? I am not in the mood to engage in smalltalk."

"Straight to business, eh, Kuno?" Gosenkugi chuckled. "I can respect that attitude. Here's the deal: if you'll sign that contract I offered earlier, then I'll let you out of here and we can all live happily ever after. If you don't... well, things could get _unpleasant_. So, what will it be?"

For a moment, the swordsman did not answer. Finally, he looked up with a defiant grin on his face. "The scion of the house of Kuno would rather die a thousand deaths than bow before a spineless cretin like you. There is my answer, knave! Do with it what you will."

"W-what?" Gosenkugi choked, flustered with anger. "Why y-you ungrateful little... Fine, then! You think you're so cool and tough? Let's see how tough you are under **two** tons of pressure!"

Kuno involuntarily gasped as the weight above him doubled. As the hydrolic engine pressed down mercilessly, he valiantly but vainly attempted to hold the ceiling at bay. Finally, he was forced to his knees by the pressure.

"_Is... is this the end?_" Kuno wondered. "_A samurai must not fear death, yet WHY did it have to come so soon? Such a huge gap will be left by my absence: my sister will have no one to guide her, the school will surely go to pot, and Akane Tendo and the Pigtailed Girl will be so very lonely..._"

Tears dripped down his face as he thought about his loves. "_Ah, my sweet, noble, and pure Akane! My beautiful, robust, and charming Pigtailied Girl! Their love for me is such that they will accept no other; thus my death shall surely doom them to spinsterhood!_"

"Fate, art thou truly so cruel?" he screamed, punching the floor with all his might. Normally, this would have just bruised his hand, but Kuno's strength level was anything but "normal" at the moment. His fist tore through the steel floor, ripping through the tangle of wires below. Deadly electric current surged through Kuno's entire body, but the usually-lethal current didn't seem to bother him at all! In fact...

"What is this power surging through me?" Kuno wondered aloud. "Could it... of course! It must be!"

Gosenkugi's eyes went wide as he stared at the monitor. "Is he... holding the ceiling up with one hand? S-something must be wrong with the camera; yeah, that's it!"

"Hahaha! Sorry to disappoint, but your eyes do not deceive you," Kuno declared, rising to his feet as he lifted the ceiling. "**Behold the power of LOVE!**"

With one mighty heave, the sword-weilding golem pushed the ceiling up, up, and all the way through the roof! As the wrecked trap disappeared into the stratosphere, a line was marked through yet another yellow bar on the computer monitor. All Gosenkugi could do is stare at the screen with his mouth agape, shaking his head in disbelief.

"T-there's... no... way..." he whimpered. "No, no, no, **no, NOOOOO!**"

The danger over, Kuno gazed upward at the night sky with a warm smile.

"Akane Tendo, Pigtailed Girl," he said lovingly, "wherever you are, thank you. It was your love that gave me the strength I needed tonight."

"You idiot!" Gosenkugi angrily screeched. "You hit an electric line! Love had nothing to do with--"

"Gigapootie! Hear me now!" Kuno interrupted (not that he'd been listening, anyway).

"That's Gosenkugi!" the annoyed occultist retorted.

The Frankenstein from Furinkan just smirked. "Whatever. Know that I am coming for you, and my vengence is swift. Prepare yourself!"

With that, he punched down the vault door and dashed out into the hallway. Gosenkugi seemed dazed for a second, but his face slowly contorted into a furious scowl. He roared in frustration, slamming his fists onto the control panel and shutting off the cameras.

"Damn them!" he growled. "Damn every one of those arrogant, stupid, freakish weirdos to hell! They think this is over?"

He began snickering as a warped grin came over his face. "Oooooh, no; not by a long shot. I still haven't played my trump card yet. Besides, time is on _my_ side."

He glanced over at the clock on the wall. "Hmph. Four in the morning, eh? Hahaha... they're about to learn that it's darkest just before dawn!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Crud! Four A.M. already?" Ranma panted, looking down at his wristwatch. "I've gotta hurry!"

It seemed to Ranma that he'd been running down this hallway forever. He had been dashing in and out of a seemingly endless series of rooms ever since surviving the "training room of doom"; the Kuno home was proving to be even more of a maze than he'd remembered. Despite his roundabout route, however, Ranma was at least certain that he was heading toward the center of the house. Still, the wolfman realized that he had to hurry; time was running out.

As he neared a corner, Ranma attempted a 90 degree turn in order to maintain his current speed. The second he rounded the corner, however, he was blindsided by a large, speeding object. Ranma slammed against an adjacent wall, but quickly hopped to his feet. He hurriedly adopted a defensive fighting stance, but he breathed a sigh of relief once he saw what had hit him.

"Geez, Ryoga! Ya' almost gave me a heart attack!" he chuckled.

The vampire rose to his feet, also smiling. "Likewise, Saotome. I never thought I'd say this, but you sure are a sight for sore eyes! You wouldn't believe what I... **Whoah!** Ranma, behind you!"

Ranma whirled around just in time to see a hatch on the floor flip open. He once again readied himself for a fight, but it was (once again) unnecessary.

"Hey, guys! Did you miss me?" Mousse joked, crawling out of the hole.

"Is Akane's cooking disgusting?" Ranma replied, helping Mousse up. "Well, that makes three. Wonder where Kuno wound up?"

"Impatiently waiting for you three to turn around, I would venture."

Although the unexpected voice caught them off-guard, they knew even before they turned to look that it belonged to the oh-so-cocky Tatewaki Kuno. Sure enough, the richest guy in Furinkan was standing right behind them, bokken in hand.

"Well, it looks like the gang's all here," Ryoga said. "We don't have time to sit around and chat, though. It's less than an hour until daybreak!"

"Whoah! We'd better get a move on, then!" Mousse gasped.

Kuno raised his bokken like a conquering general. "On to victory, men! We must not falter at--"

"Shut up and run!" Ranma muttered, taking off full-speed down the hall.

The others quickly joined him, running toward what they knew to be the final showdown with their geeky tormentor, Hikaru Gosenkugi...

END OF CHAPTER 7

------------------------------------------

Whew... That's one more chapter down (finally)! Folks, I'm sorry about the extreme irregularity of these updates. While personal laziness certainly plays a hand, my summer job isn't helping, either. After all, there's nothing like a day of building fences under the hot Texas sun to completely sap your will to write (or do anything other than sleep).

Anyhoo, that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it! I plan to ditch that personal laziness, however, so hopefully the next chapter will be ready soon. Until then, don't forget to eat your roughage (or give me reviewage).


	8. Darkest Before Dawn

"Hey, Kuno... is this it?" Ranma panted.

"Aye. This is the Kuno household's master control room," the golem replied.

The four boys had reached the end of the hallway and found themselves in front of an imposing-looking double door. Other than their own heavy breathing, the hallway was completely quiet. This unnerving silence, combined with the gravity of the situation, seemed to effectively paralyze the four youths. Mousse was the first to finally shake it off.

"C'mon, guys," he whispered. "This is no time to be awed. If we don't get that antidote in the next twenty minutes or so, we can kiss our chances of being even half-normal goodbye!"

"Y-you're right!" Ryoga exclaimed. "What the heck are we doing just standing here? Let's go!"

The directionless nosferatu thrust his finger into the door with a cry of "Bakusai Tenketsu!", shattering it into a million tiny pieces. They all prepared themselves for some sort of retaliatory attack, but none came. When the smoke finally did clear, it revealed a rather small room filled with all sorts of computers and monitors. The main lights were all off, the only illumination being given by a fireplace in the corner. Behind a desk on the opposite side of the room sat Hikaru Gosenkugi, eerily calm despite his desperate situation.

"Well, gentlemen (and I use that term loosely), I'm glad that you finally dropped by to see me," he greeted them drily. "Although I do wish that you had had the decency to knock..."

Ranma was taken aback by his icy demeanor. "_We've got this jerk surrounded, and he knows that we're going to squash him flat,_" he thought. "_So why is he acting like he's still the one in control here?_"

The wolfman shook his head to clear his thoughts. Clearing his throat, he said, "So tell us, Gosenkugi: are you going to cough up that cure? If you do, I promise we won't hurt you TOO much!"

Gosenkugi merely smirked. "Surrender to a bunch of knuckle-dragging neanderthals like you? I don't think so. I'm in this for the long haul, so come and get me, Saotome... if you're man enough."

"If... I'm... **what**?" Ranma growled through clenched teeth. Despite his ignorance of Ranma's curse, Gosenkugi had managed to push just the right button to get Ranma really steamed.

"You asked for this, you little creep!" Ranma muttered, popping his knuckles. With a loud yell, he rushed at Gosenkugi head-on. He got to within a few feet of the desk when he was suddenly picked up by some unknown force and thrown violently against the wall! The other three monstrous martial artists' faces were filled with shock; what had just happened?

"Charge!" bellowed Kuno, not that he needed to. They all three realized that they had to stop Gosenkugi before he could again employ his "mystery weapon". Despite their quick reaction, however, none managed to make it to the desk. Moving his hands rapidly like an overworked music conductor, the young occultist tossed his opponents around like rag dolls. Ryoga was slammed into the west wall, Mousse was hammered into the east, and Kuno was unceremoniously smashed into the ceiling and allowed to drop.

They all managed to rise to their feet, albeit unsteadily. Before Ranma and the others were able to move a single step, Gosenkugi raised both hands and clasped them together. To their unpleasant surprise, the four fighters' bodies followed suit, levitating into the air and gathering together in the center of the room. With a snarl, the nerdy voodoo master slammed his hands on the desk; needless to say, our heroes had a matching experience with the floor. They attempted to get up again, but all four found themselves completely immobilized.

"H-how are you doing this?" Mousse choked.

"Ah, I understand!" Kuno exclaimed (much to everybody's amazement). All eyes on him, Kuno continued, "I saw this before in a documentary. Young Gosenkugi is an evil Jedi, using the dark side of the Force to paralyze us!"

Gosenkugi merely sweatdropped as Kuno's companions glared daggers at him.

"That wasn't a documentary..." Ryoga muttered, severely mortified.

"Kuno, if I wasn't paralyzed right now, I'd beat the ever-living crap out of you!" Ranma grumbled.

"Actually, your stupid friend isn't quite as far off as you might think," Gosenkugi corrected him. "Take a look..."

He moved his fingers back just enough to reveal four small dolls made of straw; one sported a black pigtail, another a yellow bandana with black polka-dots, another a magician's robe, and the last a kendo uniform. Their eyes widened as they realized just what their enemy's "secret weapon" really was.

"Are those... voodoo dolls?" Ryoga asked, speaking what they were all thinking.

Gosenkugi nodded. "Bingo! I've used them a lot in the past, but I never had much luck with them... until now. That kit from Haiti revealed the ancient secret that makes them work: a hair from your victim! It took me almost a week to gather one from each of you, but it looks like it was time well-spent. Hahaha... a hair. Who knew?"

"You moron! Everyone knows that you have to have a strand of your victim's hair for those things to work! And you call yourself a magician?" Mousse angrily shouted.

Gosenkugi seemed flabbergasted to learn that the "ancient secret" was common knowledge, but he quickly hid his shock behind an angry scowl. "Quiet, fish-man, before I flay you!"

"EEP!" Mousse squeaked, now quite silent.

"Anyway, let's get down to business," Gosenkugi said with an air of authority. "First off, let's get one thing straight: I don't want a gang of angry monsters after me any more than you want to be stuck as those monsters. Luckily, there is a way we can both get what we want."

He placed an extremely thick book on top of the voodoo dolls, freeing his hands so he could unroll a nearby piece of paper. He held it up for his captive audience to see; not surprisingly, it was the contract from earlier.

"If you sign this, all of our problems will be taken care of!" he declared, waving it in front of them. "You four get your normal bodies back, and I don't have to deal with your antics anymore. Sure, you'll have to follow a few orders every now and again, but isn't it worth it? Tell me, wouldn't it be better to live happy, productive lives with me as your boss than to live the miserable life of an outcast?"

He smiled warmly at them. "I'm sure that you're reasonable people, deep down. Well, fellows?"

Mousse looked at his friends, hoping that they would be of the same opinion as him. The defiant glares on their faces was all the answer he needed.

"Gosenkugi," Mousse spoke up, a smug smile on his face, "I believe that we've reached a decision. I think I speak on behalf of the entire group when I say that we've considered your generous offer, and... decided to turn it down completely. In addition, we respectfully request that you kiss our supernatural asses."

"What he said!" Ryoga declared.

"All for one, and all against you!" Kuno chuckled.

"Amen, brother!" Ranma laughed.

Gosenkugi was livid with rage. He was sure that once he had them in such a hopeless situation, they would finally surrender to his demands. He now realized that he was dealing with four opponents whose true strength lay not in their power, nor their speed, nor their intellect. What made Ranma Saotome, Ryoga Hibiki, Mu-Tzu, and Tatewaki Kuno so unspeakably dangerous to pick a fight with was their unwavering tenacity.

He looked up with a glare that could (and did) make even monsters shudder. "Fine. You had your chance, losers, but you threw it away. Now it's time to face the consequences."

Trying to hide his growing fear, Ranma shouted, "Oh, yeah? What happens after sunrise, wimp? Even if you do make this curse permanent, what's going to protect you once we get loose?"

"Hyeheheheheh..." Gosenkugi softly chuckled. "You don't get it, do you? How soon do you expect to be found, huh? One hour? Two hours? A day? A week? It will only take about thirty minutes for me to buy a train ticket and leave for parts unknown. You see, I don't have to hold you here forever; just long enough for me to leave the house. After that, you can hunt to your heart's content. Trust me when I say that you'll **never** find me."

As the truth of his words sunk in, Ranma broke out in a cold sweat.

"However..." Gosenkugi continued, walking across the room, "I'm not going to leave just yet. You three have caused me no end of trouble, you know that? I want to see the look on your faces as the first light of morning floods through this window."

He pressed a button on the wall, a tiny action that created an incredible reaction. There was a whirring sound, and the four martial artists were suddenly aware that the room was moving, probably rising. It was a correct assumption; when the noise stopped, Gosenkugi opened the curtain to reveal a third story view of the eastern horizon, already looking slightly rosy.

He turned toward them with a mad, twisted smile on his face. Malice dripping from his voice, he whispered, "Ten minutes 'till sunrise. I hope you enjoy the view!"

END OF CHAPTER 8

-----------------------------------------------

Holy crap! I've pulled some cliffhangers before, but I think I've outdone myself this time! Don't worry, though. Unlike some of my other updates, I can assure you that I won't leave you hanging for a month. In fact, thanks to a little hard work on my part, the grand finale of this roller coaster is set to appear this Friday...

It's a whopper, by the way, probably two to three times the size of my normal ones. I thought about splitting it up, but there really weren't any good stopping points. Ah, well. It will work out just fine in the end.

In the meantime, howsabout dropping this cliffhanger-loving author a review? (Please?)


	9. Sunrise

"Ten minutes 'till sunrise. I hope you enjoy the view!"

"_I've been in some tight spots before, but this has to take the cake..._" Ranma thought wearily.

Indeed, Ranma Saotome was no stranger to nigh-hopeless situations. Mortal combat with Cologne, fighting Happosai while powerless, sealing evil Oni... Ranma had faced them all and triumphed despite the odds. Now, however, as he desperately struggled against Gosenkugi's supernatural constraints, the pigtailed lycanthrope had to wonder if his luck had finally run out.

Eventually realizing that fighting the voodoo spell was pointless, Ranma took a deep breath and tried a different approach. His eyes scoured the room, darting from object to object. "_There has to be something here..._" he thought, "_something that can get us out of this mess. Not there... not that... not that, either..._"

Ryoga glanced over at his longtime rival, trying to read his facial expression. "_What's going on in that head of yours, Saotome? Mousse doesn't seem to have anything up his sleeves (for once), and I'm out of ideas. As for Kuno... if it comes down to that, then we really ARE doomed. I just hope you pull something brilliant out of your hat, and soon..._"

Watching Ranma's silent search, Gosenkugi let out a cruel laugh. "So, Saotome... you still haven't given up, huh? I can respect the diehard attitude, but you might as well give that tiny brain of yours a rest. As long as those voodoo dolls are holding you down, you aren't going anywhere."

Although sorely tempted to reply, Ranma ignored his captor's gloating. Every second he spent trading insults would be precious time wasted. After scanning the floor and both walls with no luck, his eyes roamed toward the desk.

"_The desk itself? Nah, useless. The magic contract? It would be great if I could trick HIM into signing it, but that ain't gonna happen. The voodoo dolls? Geez, those stupid things are the whole problem! I can't reach 'em, though, and I don't even want to THINK about what would happen if they got broken. That glass of water sitting on the corner? He must have been drinking it earlier; no use to me. Those pencils? No, I... **WAIT A MINUTE!** Hold the phone!_"

Ranma looked thoughtfully at the glass of ice water, then at the voodoo dolls, and then at the water again. A small grin began to form on his face that quickly expanded into a full-blown, supremely confident smile.

Noticing his victim's stark change of expression, Gosenkugi involuntarily cringed. He knew that smile all too well...

"_What is that jerk up to now?_" he nervously wondered. "_Is he trying to rattle me, or does he actually have some kind of plan? No; no way! I may have goofed up in the past, but this time I planned every tiny detail. It's a full-proof plan! **Full-proof, I say!**_"

Looking up to find Ranma's expression unchanged, Gosenkugi was filled with unspeakable rage. "You flea-bitten moron! I don't know what you have planned, but whatever it is, it won't work! I have you right where I want you, and nothing you do is going to change that. **You might as well accept your fate, because there's NO WAY OUT!**"

Ranma's confident grin gave way to a look of serious determination. "Gosenkugi, my old man has fed me a lot of bullcrap in his day, but there is one thing he taught me that's always held true."

"_This is it,_" Ranma thought to himself. "_If this is going to work, I'm going to have to give it everything I've got..._"

His face contorted with strain as he slid his arms along the ground until they were in front of him. Shaking from the effort, he began to raise his arms...

"**There's always...**" he choked.

"N-no! You can't raise your arms; that's impossible!" Gosenkugi protested, aghast.

"**--a way...**" Ranma gasped, his arms now held high.

"_What in the world is Ranma up to?_" Mousse wondered.

"--**OUT!**" Ranma shouted, slamming his fists onto the ground with incredible force.

Everything in the room was hit with a quick, sudden jolt from the impact. The window rattled, the pencils rolled around on the desk, and the glass of water fell off of the desk and shattered on the floor. Everyone waited anxiously for something else to happen, but the werewolf's outburst was followed only by silence. Ranma rested face-down on the floor, wheezing and panting from his massive exertion.

Kuno stared at his pigtailed nemesis in confused wonder. "_I cannot comprehend why he went through so much to accomplish so little. Yet, I truly have a new respect for Ranma Saotome. He refused to give up, fighting to the bitter end! Oh, were that it were me who had made the last great effort against our hated foe!_"

Moved to tears by these thoughts, Kuno hung his head in sorrow.

After holding his breath for what seemed like forever, Gosenkugi finally exhaled a sigh of relief. "Whew... you actually had me worried for a second there, Ranma," he sneered. "I was expecting something a little more clever that trying to break through the floor, though. How disappointing... Hahahahahahaha!"

As Gosenkugi cackled maniacally, Ranma slowly and stealthily slid his outstreched arm toward the spot where the glass of water had broken. Ignoring the glass, he continued moving his hand until he felt the cold water flowing between his fingers. The wolfman smirked as he felt a familiar sensation course through his entire body.

"Heh, heh, heh... Who cares about the stupid floor?" Ranma remarked in a decidedly feminine voice.

Gosenkugi's jaw dropped as he watched Ranma's hair turn red and his body shrink. "Wh-what in the..." he stammered.

Grinning defiantly, girl-type Ranma rose to one knee, then both feet. She couldn't help but laugh when she saw the look of horrified bewilderment on Gosenkugi's face. "Mwahahahaha! Voodoo dolls don't do diddly-squat if they don't look like the person they're supposed to control!" she smugly informed her tormentor. "Now..."

Before Gosenkugi could move a muscle, Ranma dashed over to the table, removed the book, and grabbed the voodoo dolls. Turning them over, she found what she was looking for: there was a single strand of hair protruding from the back of each doll. After yanking the hairs out, she tossed the voodoo dolls into the fireplace.

Ryoga, Mousse, and Kuno looked extremely apprehensive when the dolls hit the fire, each hoping and praying that they wouldn't spontaneously combust. Luckily, with the removal of the hairs, the danger was over. Once they realized that they had nothing to fear, they began stirring and were up on their feet within moments.

"I-impossible..." Gosenkugi moaned, staring at the girl who just seconds before had been his most hated nemesis. "The instructions... they didn't say anything about... such weird side effects..."

"Ah, don't worry about how **I** look," Ranma said with a malicious tone. "You really oughta be worrying about how **you're** going to look when we get finished with you..."

As she spoke, her three companions lined up by her side.

"The antidote; NOW!" Ryoga thundered.

"Your life may depend on it..." Mousse glowered, swinging a spike-tipped chain.

Finally, Kuno lost patience with the frozen-with-fear Gosenkugi. "Cretin! If you will not hand it over, I shall wrest it from your cold, dead hands! YAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

The sight of the furious Frankenstein rushing toward him shocked Gosenkugi back to his senses. Quickly pulling a vial out of his front pocket, he shrieked, "Here! HERE! Take it; just don't hurt--"

_**POW!**_

"--MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Gosenkugi screamed as he flew through the roof and out of sight. Meanwhile, Kuno's attack had sent the vial containing the antidote spinning straight up into the air.

"**Kuno! Catch the vial!**" Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse exclaimed simultaneously.

Kuno looked at them in confusion, wondering what they were pointing at. "Eh?" he mumbled. Finally, he looked straight up...

...just in time for the vial to land face-down in his mouth. Ranma and the others could only watch in horror as **every last drop** flowed down Kuno's throat.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**" they all screamed at the top of their lungs.

They rushed over as fast as their legs could carry them, hoping against hope that some of the antidote might yet be saved. Being fastest, Ranma arrived first and hurriedly plucked the vial from Kuno's mouth. Ignoring the swordsman's choking and sputtering, she held the small test tube up to the light.

"Well? WELL?" Ryoga anxiously demanded.

Ranma turned around, her eyes brimming with tears. "N-nothing..." she choked. "H-he drank every damn drop!"

"**NOOOO!**" Ryoga cried, dropping to his knees in anguish. "It can't end like this! I never even got to tell Akane how I feel about her, and now..."

"It... it isn't right; not after all that we went through..." Mousse muttered, covering his face with his hands.

"My (_hack!_) friends..." Kuno said, still coughing, "I am (_koff!_) truly (_wheeze!_) sorry!"

Even though Ranma felt like wringing his neck, it was obvious that it really had been an accident, and that he was truly contrite. Her face softening, she sighed, "It's okay, ya' big goof. We know you didn't mean to hog it all."

He smiled and replied, "T-thank you, pigtailed (_hack! wheeze! hack! koff! koff!_)--"

"Yo, Kuno! You okay?" Ranma asked, gently hitting him on the back.

As if in answer, his coughing intensified to the point where he could no longer stand. Dropping to his knees, Kuno's whole body was suddenly seized with convulsions. As the others watched in fascination, his skin began to regain its normal color, his bulging muscles underwent a downsize, and the bolts on the side of his neck dropped to the floor. Once he had finally transformed back into "regular old Kuno", the exhausted lad dropped to the floor in a dead faint.

"Whoa! The antidote worked; he's back to normal!" Ryoga gasped.

"Yeah, good for him..." Mousse bitterly remarked. "Lot of good that does the rest of us..."

"No kidding," Ranma sighed, wearily looking at the clock on the wall. "By Gosenkugi's clock, we have less than five minutes before we're stuck this way forever."

Just then, Ranma's supersensitive ears picked up the sound of a girl's voice. Her ears perked up as the source of the sound grew closer.

Finally, he could make out the words: "Ranma honey! Where are you?"

"Ukyo?" Ranma gasped. "What's she doing here?"

"What are you talking about?" Mousse asked, confused. "Where is she?"

"I can hear her!" Ranma insisted. "Shhhh... Listen!"

After a few seconds of near-silence, the faint sound of someone calling reached their ears.

"Yeah, I can hear it, too!" Ryoga told them. Turning to Ranma, he said, "You've got the sharpest ears here, Ranma. Where is she?"

Ranma looked pensive for a few seconds, but finally answered, "She's coming this way. I think she's just behind that wall over there! Ryoga, you know what to do!"

Walking over to the wall with index finger raised, he muttered, "Gotcha..."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"Ranma! If you can hear me, please answer!" Ukyo shouted desperately.

"This is hopeless," Akane sighed with more than a hint of frustration. "This house is so huge, they could be anywhere!"

"I know, but we have to keep trying!" Ukyo said wearily. "After all, it isn't like they're just going to fall into our laps or anything."

"Yeah, you're right," Akane agreed. "We--"

_**BOOOOOOM!**_

Both girls screamed as the wall right in front of them exploded with a tremendous crash. Coughing from the dust thrown up by the explosion, Ukyo pulled out her battle spatula and Akane struck up a defensive stance.

"You (_kaff!_) want a piece of us, Gosenkugi?" Ukyo angrily shouted. "Bring it on, dweeb!"

She saw a figure advancing through the smoke and instinctively swung her spatula at the supposed attacker. Just as it was about to impact, a red, furry hand stopped it with little to no effort.

Ukyo gasped as the dust settled enough for her to make out the appearance of her opponent. In front of her stood a girl at once very familiar and very different. She was taken aback by the yellow eyes, red fur, and dog ears, but she instantly knew the face as the boy-girl she had come to love.

"Kinda jumpy, aint'cha, U-chan?" Ranma laughed softly.

"R-Ranma..." Ukyo gasped, her eyes now moist. "So I didn't imagine it... you really did... you really are a..."

"Oh my gosh!" Akane interrupted, finally able to see her fiance. "Ranma, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me," she said, nodding sadly. "Sorry 'bout this, girls..."

The dust was now entirely settled, and the two girls noticed Mousse and Ryoga standing close behind Ranma.

Ryoga looked down in embarassment. "H-hi, Akane," he mumbled. "I guess we owe you an explanation..."

Smiling at her friend's shyness, Akane waved his apology off. "Don't worry about it, Ryoga. Dr. Tofu told us everything, and we're here to help you!"

The three boys looked a little annoyed that the doctor had betrayed their trust. Ukyo noticed this and uttered one word that said it all: "Kasumi."

"Ah..." they muttered, nodding and rolling their eyes.

"Look, I know you probably didn't tell us because you didn't want us in danger, but the fact is that we're here now," Akane said firmly. "There's not much time; let's find Gosenkugi and get you three cured!"

At this, Ranma, Ryoga, and Mousse suddenly looked very downcast. "What? D-did I say something wrong?" Akane asked, confused.

"Akane, we already beat Gosenkugi," Ryoga said. "But Kuno kind of..."

"...drank all of the antidote by mistake," Mousse finished.

"WHAT?" the girls gasped.

"Now we've got about two minutes 'till sunrise," Ranma sadly remarked. "Two minutes 'till we look like this forever."

"Oh, Ranma..." Akane whispered, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry..."

Ranma looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "Akane, Ukyo, listen to me for a sec. I'm... releasing you two from any obligation to marry me. A werewolf ain't a fit husband for anybody."

"Don't say things like that!" Akane shouted, grabbing her by the shirt collar. "I don't care what you look like; the same goes for Ryoga and Mousse! I'll care about you three no matter what happens!"

"Akane, this is no time to be difficult!" Ranma spat. "I--huh? U-chan, what's wrong?"

Ranma's "cute fiancee" had silently made her way across the room to the desk where Gosenkugi had been sitting earlier. She was rummaging around in the backpack he had left behind, and finally pulled a small packet of white powder out of it.

"Is that... the 'wicka-wacka-froo-hoo' powder?" Mousse quietly murmured.

"Ukyo, put that stuff down; it's dangerous!" Ranma shouted anxiously.

She looked up at him with a smile, despite the tears running down her face. "Ran-chan, I won't let you suffer alone. If you have to be an outcast, then... I'll be one, too."

The others in the room gasped in disbelief, and Ranma frantically waved her arms and yelled, "Whoa! Whoa! U-chan, that ain't necessary! Don't throw your life away!"

"Don't try to stop me!" she angrily replied as she began to tear the package open. "My mind is made up!"

Ranma was just about to make a last-ditch attempt to stop his "cute fiancee" from opening the package when a loud, horrified shout from Mousse stopped them both in their tracks.

"Oh, **no!** The sun!" he shouted, pointing to the open window.

Time itself seemed to move in slow motion as all eyes turned toward the eastern horizon. As was its everyday ritual, the bright, crimson globe we call the sun was beginning to peek above the horizon, bathing everything in a rosy glow. As that pink light flooded the room Ranma and the others were standing in, each person became lost in their own thoughts.

Mousse thought of the beatiful Amazon he had pursued for years, who had turned him down time and time again. Now, just when he seemed to be making progress with her, cruel fate had dashed his hopes to pieces with nothing more than a pinch of magical powder. It seemed so unfair...

Ryoga thought about the blue-haired girl who had come to help him, despite the personal risk involved. This selfless act was just one in a million reasons he loved her and always would. Sadly, he had never summoned up enough courage to tell Akane how he really felt about her, and it now appeared that he never would get that chance. It seemed so unfair...

Akane thought about the three boys bravely staring at the rising sun, the very symbol of their own defeat. Mousse, the young man from China whose heart of gold showed through all of his actions. Ryoga, the guy who always made Akane feel like she was worthwhile, even when the rest of the world seemed to be against her. Ranma, her reluctant, rude, and... amazing fiance, who (despite his faults) had always been there for her, no matter how dire the situation. They had all risked their necks for her sake time and time again, but when _they_ had needed _her_ help, she had been too late to save them. This fact was truly tearing her up on the inside. It seemed so unfair...

Ukyo thought about the pigtailed she-wolf standing across the room from her, for whose sake she was willing to give up life as she knew it. She could remember when this was not the case. Shortly after her childhood confession to her father that she would like to marry Ranma, he had taken off without a word, taking her honor, self-esteem, and father's okonomyaki cart with him. Filled with bitterness and hatred, she abandoned her womanhood and took up the martial arts in hopes of wreaking her revenge on him. Years later, it turned out that Genma, not Ranma, was responsible for the event that ruined her life. With just a few words, the pigtailed boy gave Ukyo her self-esteem, happiness, and life back, and she quickly remembered why she had fallen in love with him in the first place. Now, with Ranma about to become a permanent outcast, she realized that she would rather live a hard life with him than an easy one without him. No matter what effect the cursed powder would have on her, Ukyo was willing to make that sacrifice. Still, for his sake as well as hers, it seemed so unfair...

Ranma thought about many things, but the one thing that stood out the most in his mind was the devastating feeling of complete and utter failure. He had failed his friends. Because of his superior fighting ability, he had been the unofficial leader of this little "quest for a cure". Although there was little he could have done to stop it, he still felt partly responsible for the debacle. He had failed his fiancees. Ranma had always had a hard time making up his mind, and "who to marry?" was a tougher question than most. The truth of the matter was that he cared deeply for all three of his fiancees; now, with a lifetime of lycanthropy ahead of him, he knew that he couldn't be there for any of them. The pain Ranma felt most acutely, however, was the despair of knowing that he had failed himself. There is no shame in losing when you have done your best; he knew that. Still, to give it everything you have, to defeat your opponent, but to lose in the only area that really mattered...

It just seemed so, so unfair...

The sound of a ripping package snapped everyone out of their personal musings. Ranma turned around in horror to see Ukyo about to dump the contents of Gosenkugi's voodoo packet onto her head.

"U-chan! NOOOOO!" Ranma screamed. Determined to stop her fiancee from making the mistake of her life, Ranma lunged toward the desk, only to freeze in mid-run. Shocked by this unexpected move, Ukyo also froze.

"R-Ranma honey?" she stammered, lowering her arms somewhat. "Are you okay?"

Her fiance didn't look so hot. The color had drained from the she-wolf's face, and she was breaking out in a cold sweat. From her facial expression, it was obvious that she was in a lot of pain. Finally, Ranma dropped down to her knees, clutching her stomach in agony.

"AAAAGGGGHHHH! W-what the heck is h-happening to me?" Ranma panted, gasping for air.

"Ran-chan, hang in there!" Ukyo gasped, dropping the bag on the desk and rushing over to her fiance's side.

"Ukyo, something's wrong with Ryoga and Mousse, too!" Akane shouted.

Sure enough, the other two cursed martial artists had also doubled over, groaning in severe pain. Not knowing who to minister to first (or what she could do), Akane watched helplessly as the strange scene unfolded.

"_This pain... it's unbearable!_" Ryoga thought through a red haze. Just then, a very familiar sensation shot through his body. His eyes went wide as he realized what was happening to him. Taking a look down at his hands, now cloven hooves, confirmed his worst suspicions.

"_B-but this doesn't make any sense!_" he thought, panicked. "_I haven't even been **near** any cold water... I don't have time to think about it right now! Today has been bad enough without Akane finding out my OTHER secret!_"

To Akane's great confusion, Ryoga rose unsteadily to his feet and hurriedly staggered out the door. "R-Ryoga, what's wrong?" she called after him. "Please, come back! Let me help you!"

She had just dashed out the door after him when the sound of Ukyo's voice called her back.

"Akane! Come quick; something weird is happening to Ranma and Mousse!"

Immediately upon running back inside, Akane could see that something strange was indeed happening to the two of them: namely, they were "molting"! As she drew closer, she could see that Ranma was shedding like nobody's business, and scales were dropping off of Mousse in droves. Staring in fascination, she realized that Mousse was undergoing an additional change: he was morphing into his duck form! As the last few scales fell off of Mousse the duck and hairs (where unusual) off of Ranma, the two fighters' breathing steadied. Before the two girls lay a busty redhead and a duck wearing glasses; covered in loose hair and scales and barely conscious, but entirely normal!

Barely able to believe the wonderful sight before her, Akane looked at Ukyo through tear-filled eyes and asked, "Ukyo... a-are they?"

Overcome with emotion, Ukyo could only nod emphatically through her tears. Finally, she choked out, "Akane... it's some kinda miracle... THEY'RE BACK!"

The sound of a soft moan made the two of them look down at the face of the girl cradled in Ukyo's lap. "Uuuuuuuuugh..." Ranma mumbled. "Wha... what... happened?"

"You're back to normal, you big silly!" Akane laughed as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Take a look!"

Ranma gasped as she touched her hand. At first, it seemed to still be covered in fur, but she let out a squeak of joy when it a slight movement made the hair fall right off. Whooping with delight, she scrambled to her feet and began dusting herself off.

A surprised quacking sound from behind them made the three girls turn around to see a shocked, bespectacled duck standing up and pointing a wing in disbelief at Ranma.

Understanding the quacks to mean "Ranma! How did you get cured?", Ranma let out a cheerful, boisterous laugh, amused at her friend's confusion. She replied, "I dunno, Mousse, but whatever it was seems to have worked for you, too!"

The myopic fowl's beak dropped in surprise as he suddenly noticed the condition of his own wing. There were quite a few loose scales sitting on top of it, but it was plain to see (even to Mousse) that he was 100 percent back to normal. He immediately began running around in a circle, happily squawking for all he was worth and making the others giggle at his antics.

"But Ranma..." Ukyo asked, suddenly looking thoughtful, "what could have happened? I mean, you said that Kuno drank all of the antidote, right?"

Ranma looked equally perplexed. "Yeah, he did. Honestly, I'm just as confused as you are. Also, why did Mousse turn into his cursed form? For that matter, where did Ryoga go?"

Akane gasped as her hands flew to her mouth. "I almost forgot! He ran out of the room right after you all started to get sick! Guys, you stay here; I'm going to go find him."

She turned to head out the door, only to find her search over before it began. Standing in the doorway was Ryoga Hibiki, looking very exhausted and carrying a kettle of hot water.

"H... hi, Akane," he said with a tired but elated smile.

"Oh, Ryoga!" Akane exclaimed, her eyes teary again. She rushed over to Ryoga and warmly embraced him, sending him into a near-nosebleed. "Why did you run? I was so worried..."

For a moment, Ryoga was far too caught up in the ectasy of being hugged by Akane to answer, but he quickly came to his senses.

"I... er... can't remember," he nervously lied. "I guess that the pain was affecting my judgement. Don't worry, though. I'm here now, and good as new!"

Akane continued to hold him until she realized that the others were all staring at her. She sheepishly released him, saying, "I'm glad, Ryoga... really glad."

As she turned away from him, she blushed slightly. "_Why... why did I do that? Ryoga's just my friend! Now he probably thinks I'm flaky or something..._"

"I'm sure we're all happy to see that Ryoga is still alive," Ranma sarcastically quipped, "but that still doesn't answer the question of how we escaped the freak show. I don't suppose any of you have any bright ideas?"

"I might..." a voice from behind Ryoga answered.

They all jumped in surprise, but their apprehension gave way to relief when Dr. Tofu stepped into the room.

"Hey, glad you could make it, Doc!" Ranma grinned mischeviously. "What took ya' so long?"

"Heh, heh..." he chuckled as his face turned red. "Let's just say I was under involuntary hypnosis."

"So, tell us, Doctor," Mousse said, who had used Ryoga's kettle to return to human form. "Why didn't Gosenkugi's curse work?"

Doctor Tofu pushed his glasses up slightly. "Actually, Mousse, the 'wicka-wacka-froo-hoo' spell worked exactly as it should have. It turned you into monsters, and it would indeed have been permanent at sunrise if not for one thing: your pre-existing Jusenkyo curses."

Explaining further, he said, "You see, the human body can only hold so much magical energy at once. When Gosenkugi introduced this new curse, the 'froo-hoo' spell must have begun battling it out with the Jusenkyo curse for dominance. Luckily for you, it seems that the Jusenkyo curse was made of sterner stuff!"

"Hey, that makes sense!" Ukyo exclaimed. "That would explain why Mousse turned into a duck when he changed back to normal. As for Ranma-honey, he was already a girl when it happened."

"But... wait a sec," Akane interrupted. "That doesn't explain why Ryoga is back to normal. After all, it's not like he has a Jusenkyo curse or anything!"

At these words, Ryoga's heart literally stopped beating in his chest. Akane turned to face the terrified lad, an inquiring look on her face.

"So, how did you turn back to normal, Ryoga?" she asked quietly.

The slightly-fanged warrior tried to reply, but found that he could only make choking noises. "_This is it!_" he thought, mentally bewailing his fate. "_This is where she finds out my deepest, darkest secret!_"

A few feet away, Ranma was trying very hard to stifle a laugh.

"_You know, I normally enjoy seeing Ryoga squirm, but I think he's had a tough enough day already,_" she thought with a slight giggle."_Guess I'd better help the poor goon out! He owes me for this one, though..._"

Placing the vial Kuno had guzzled on the ground, Ranma used her foot to silently slide it across the ground over to where Ryoga was standing. Clearing her throat, Ranma said, "Hey, Ryoga... what's that by your foot?"

Snapped out of his senseless ramblings by the question, Ryoga glanced downward.

"Eh?" he muttered.

He leaned down and picked up the empty vial. Scrutinizing it closely, he asked, "Isn't this the vial Kuno drank?"

"_Geez, how dense can he be?_" Ranma thought, annoyed.

"No, of course not!" she assured him. "I threw that one on the ground and broke it when we found out it was empty. **Remember?**"

Noticing the barrage of "nudge, nudge, hint, hint" motions Ranma was throwing his way, Ryoga finally got with the program. His eyes widened and a goofy smile came across his face as he exclaimed, "Ah, **of course** you did! But... if this isn't that vial, then what could it have been?"

"Another antidote; duh!" Ranma replied. "You must have found it when you were wandering around sick and drank it!"

"I... guess that would explain it," Akane admitted. She _did_ think it odd that there would be another antidote just "lying around" nearby, especially when they had all seemed so certain earlier that there was only one vial. Nonetheless, the important thing was that Ryoga was okay; she decided to let the matter drop.

"Well, I guess that wraps things up," Mousse remarked with a tired smirk. "The day is saved, the villain is defeated, and the heroes are back in their own skins again. What could go wrong now?"

"OH HO HO HO HO! OH HO HO HO HO!"

As the hideous laugh reverberated throughout the room, the hair on everyone's neck stood up. Ranma, in particular, was suffering from shivers and a cold sweat.

"Mousse, did you HAVE to ask?" she asked through gritted teeth.

Ignoring the instinct to jump out the third-story window, Ranma turned around to see Kodachi Kuno blocking the door. Still wearing her dominatrix suit, she was impatiently tapping the butt of the whip in her hands.

"OH HO HO HO HO! Well, if it isn't that little red-haired hussy that dares steal my beloved's name!" the Black Rose exclaimed. "I know you're hiding him somewhere nearby, so you'd better tell me where he is before I beat the information out of you!"

"He's nearer than you think..." Ranma muttered under her breath as a sweatdrop rolled down her face.

"PIGTAILED GIRL!" a voice behind Ranma boomed.

Ranma screamed in surprise as Kuno glomped her from behind, grabbing her rather ample chest.

"Kuno... you... **IDIOT!**" she thundered, tossing him over her head with a judo throw and slamming him onto the hardwood floor.

Panting slightly, she growled, "How stupid can you be, moron? You had to have seen me transform earlier; you were lying right next to me! What do I have to do to make you figure out that I'm Ranma Saotome?"

Kuno struggled to his feet, his back popping painfully in the process. "I'm already aware of your true name, my love," he groaned, straightening himself. "As for this 'transformation', I have no idea what you're talking about. If you mean when you entered the room, I'm afraid that I was overcome with emotion at the time. But, enough of such matters; join me in the outdoor baths for a victory soak!"

As both Kunos began to advance, Ranma hastily retreated to the back wall. "Uh, can't we talk about this?" she stammered.

"I'd be more than happy to... after you show me where my darling Ranma is!" Kodachi replied with an evil smirk.

"Time enough for words after our bath, my sweet!" Kuno said with a suave air.

Ranma was about to resort to her earlier "escape out the nearest window" plan, when a high-pitched sound reached her ears. At first, she thought an airplane might be flying at a low altitude nearby, but quickly dismissed that possibility as the sound grew closer. Finally, she realized what the sound had to be.

"Uh... you two might want to move..." she said, pointing above the Kunos' heads at the hole Gosenkugi made when he had been pummeled into the atmosphere.

"Hmmm?" they both murmured. They turned their eyes upward, and a look of panic spread across both of their faces. Before the two could escape, however...

_**BOOOOOM!**_

Even to the eyes of trained martial artists like Ranma and Mousse, the object that collided with the Kunos appeared only as a blue blur. Upon impact, the floor underneath them collapsed in a thunderous explosion of splinters and dust, sending the wicked siblings and the mysterious meteorite falling down to the second floor.

As soon as the dust cleared, the people remaining on the third floor formed a circle around the hole and peered down below. The arms and legs of Tatewaki and Kodachi Kuno were visible peeking here and there out of the rubble, and on top of them lay the considerably-battered and unconscious form of Hikaru Gosenkugi.

For a few moment, no one spoke. Finally, a smile began to play across Ranma's lips. "Heh, heh..." she chuckled. "Looks like someone up there loves me after all."

Without a word, she got up and walked over to the large eastern window. As she watched the sun, still rosy from daybreak, continue its rise into the sky, Ranma let out a quiet, contented sigh. Ukyo quietly joined her fiancee, standing by his side at the window, joined shortly thereafter by Akane, Ryoga, Mousse, and Dr. Tofu.

"Guys..." Ranma whispered. "It looks like the beginning of a beautiful day."

**THE END**

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And that, as they say, is that. I may have taken my sweet time writing this story, but after nearly six months of working on it off and on, I have to say that I'm very satisfied with the final product. My eternal thanks go out to Dana-san, Innortal, Hitode, Snap-Drag 21, Psuriko, and all of the others whose constructive reviews encouraged me to see this through to the end.

Now that this story is **finally** finished, I'm going to take a short hiatus from this site. However, (_cue evil villain voice_) you have not seen the last of the Baron Hausenpheffer! MWAHAHAHA!

I'll be back as soon as I have another story written, but until then... au revoir!


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